Yesterday was kind of a lot. There’s been a lot in my head I’ve been kind of just holding in, I know, I know I should just talk to people about stuff, it gets harder with the heat and the stress, I’m so low right now. Not sure if I’m suicidal or not, not expressing it if I am. Keeping it all packed down inside. Until it spills out, like it did yesterday.
The kid was pulling my hair and beard, I was getting in trouble for his toilet problems again, and for another kid, I’d been decheduled on a Friday for the third week running and I’d had a written warning the day before, and I was ready to walk out. Oh, and it was 101 degrees outside, my truck handle was broken, we need a new roof, I need a new truck radio, both vehicles need paint, body work, and I need to work on the siding, a new window, two rooms in the house need floor work and there’s cleaning and painting that needs doing and I’m not equipped to do it.
AND, my check isn’t going to cover any of it, because they just CUT MY HOURS AGAIN!!!!!!!
This working for a living isn’t working out for me. …. and I throw down my badge and start to walk out, and my manager wants to talk to me, sure, why the hell not.
and we go through every problem but one; I really want the hell out of Oklahoma. We don’t get to that because that is what I got to with my last boss, and she stabbed me in the back. Never getting that close with a boss again. She can know I hate uncertainty, that’s intimacy enough.
but I’m sure she could tell there was something else…… not that it matters. I took the time, that I asked for, took the control, that I asked for. finished the last thirty minutes with that dang kid….. but dang it, I don’t know how I’ll feel come Monday. I still haven’t gotten to talk to my wife about it.
So yeah, day off today, going to see my case manager, not sure how much that’ll help. I’m struggling financially to comfort myself to get through, but also to try and fix things, this feels impossible right now. I’m talking about feeding my family, keeping my car in gas, but also fix the roof…….
and I do get distracted, It just feels like every distraction I cut back, there’s more projects on my plate.
5 comments
You want out of OK as much as I want out of where I am right now. Problem is- it costs too much everywhere else (i need to live in a city where there’s public transit so i don’t need to drive, but that means it costs $$$$ than middle of nowhere, USA)
What is there for you to do but search for another job while still working PT at this job? Unless you want them to fire you, and you get unemployment. If you quit, you get nothing.
I respect that you work with children.
I’m not really a good teacher all things considered, and I suck with kids, so I applaud that you do that. It takes a level of patience and understanding to do that type of stuff.
That being said, def don’t quit man. Job market in the US is shit. I’ve been trying in some capacity to upskill and find a 2nd job part time, but the job hunt is insane right now.
You’ve got this man.
What’s oklahoma like? Never been there. I’m thinking maybe I should just move to the midwest and see about finding a place like that to stay and try to at least save a little bit of money…
The job oppurtunities are even worse back home for me, so I think I would take living where you’re at vs living where I’m from any time.
They’re making it harder and harder for the avg person to just scrape by. Must’ve been great being born during the boomer generation- the LAST generation that had a good effing life.
and it’s bc the boomers pulled up the ladder after they climbed up, screwing all the younger generations. changed all the rules to make it nearly impossible for us. this is why America is in the predicament it is in.