Trigger Warning: past suicide attempts
Gosh, I do remember that I’ve been here since 2013.
So, I was in my early 20s when I first posted here. I know not many people post here anymore, and that’s a shame to see in some ways, but in other ways, I guess it’s a good thing? Everyone uses social media and stuff now I think.
Most of my life was in an abusive environment (my dad subjected me to constant emotional and psychological abuse). I do remember how completely awful my social skills were for many, many years (I’m self taught). I remember I used to just want to die so badly, though. Couldn’t stand life at all. I thought, if my life is just going to be this forever, I might as well be gone. But, I will add, I’ve also felt like I’ve wanted to go even after me and mum left the abusive environment (5 years ago).
It’s kind of embarrassing how immature I could be when I was younger, but then again as I said, I had non existent social skills. And the majority of my posts just talked about how much I wanted to be gone anyway, which probably messed me up, and the abuse messed me up badly too. I’ve attempted a few times over the years to end my life.
Something I’d like to highlight though, is that, leaving a domestic violence situation is NOT as easy as: ‘just go and leave’.
1. you need money 2. you need the mental strength 3. you need somewhere to live 4. LEAVING an abuser is very dangerous, alot of people have been murdered, stalked, threatened etc for trying to leave an abuser (whether relationship, parent, or any other person)
I have been abused so much in my life that is still feels surreal to be away from the abuse, because I never thought I’d get away from it – I went through around 18-20 years of abuse, as a child and as an adult. But it was at least 18. The first abusive incident I remember was when I was 3 and my dad locked me in the garage as a ‘joke’ for a few minutes (or was it longer than that?), lights were out, I banged on the door frantically and panicked and yelled out ‘HELP! HELP!’….
Oh and also he had a problem with alcohol for most of his life.
Thank you if you read this far, here’s a cookie (if you like cookies!)
PS: I wish my mum was still here, but what can I do?
1 comment
I remember seeing your name around when I started in late 2015- early 2016ish.
I was a different kind of mindless back then…
I don’t game as much as I used to, and life’s hit me hard, but I seem to still pop up here.
I’m sorry about your mom. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my parents. I’m also proud you got out of your situation as hard as it was. Lotta shit you can’t do when you’re stuck and broke in that kind of situation.