I haven’t been leaving my room these past few days. I still go out to eat and bath and stuff, but mostly I’ve just holded myself up in this room. Feels like the world outside it is dead. And that the only thing there is is in this room. Barely done anything this week. Maybe turned in a handful of applications. Started applying for part time jobs locally cause that’s what my mom wants. For some reason I find this insulting. I’d like to tell myself that I’m not above doing a job at Walmart, but maybe I do secretly feel that way. But I have applied to these jobs in the past on my own volition. Maybe it’s that I feel like I’m being made to instead of it being my own idea. I don’t know. Have interviews scheduled for next week. Doubt they’ll go anywhere. Got a call from a job I lost out on and now they want to see if I’d go to Indiana. Middle of bum fuck no where. I don’t know what’s worse. The american south or the american mid west. Either way I feel like I’m not trading up.
Barely feel motivated to redo any of the essays for the 2 fellowships I’m able to do. They aren’t very good. Although I imagine this isn’t what will kill it. Probably will be my research proposal. Still haven’t gotten any feedback from any of my former labmates that I asked to look at. Probably will think they’re bad. I’m sure they are but I just don’t know how yet. But once it’s pointed out to me, I’m sure I’ll feel like an idiot. I wish I could say “things weren’t supposed to be like this.” but given the effort I put in, I really shouldn’t be surprised.
What a weird collection of songs I’ve gathered today, but these are the ones I’ve heard on Spotify just now and I don’t want to choose only one to show today. I also know I’ve posted at least one of these.
1 comment
“I don’t know what’s worse. The american south or the american mid west. Either way I feel like I’m not trading up.”
-neither is better. unfortunately, most of the America is a “shithole” country- unless you’re one of the 1/3 of ppl who can actually afford it.
-50% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. 80% do not have 2k in emergency savings. Jobs just don’t pay like they used to.
And what jobs to be had you now have to work way more than 40 hours. 2 ppl are now doing the job of 3 ppl, if not 4. This is corporate America becoming “streamlined” and “efficient”- aka slave drivers that squeeze every last drop from workers bc they can.
Economically, we are fast becoming a “shithole” country if not already there.
Many of us on SP (ofc not all)- have money problems that cause our depression. if we did not have money/job/boss problems, then we’d be half as depressed.
Q- You mentioned college and grad school. Did you go straight to grad? Have you had a FT job before?
Q- Were you and your parents on good terms prior to this? You mentioned in another post that things between your parents are not going great. Have you ever moved out and lived on your own? (not counting college/dorms).