You could spend the day doing some of your favorite things, eating your favorite things 🙂 Lots of people dont celebrate, so you arent alone in that. Personally, Ill be watching The Nightmare Before Christmas and eating cheese
For real, all the holidays are celebrations of family so if you’ve got none to speak of–or if ‘family’ is a traumatic concept–it’s an exercise in humiliation. I plan to take an extra special dose of my meds and sleep through it.
the holidays have always sucked for me. when i did used to work, i would be one of the few people who would come into work while everyone else was out in vacation. it was super nice/peaceful to have most of your annoying co-workers gone…and then i’d take my days off when everyone gets back. hehe :p
but now that i’m not working…life sucks even more. and like you, i’m stuck in a city i absolutely hate… so i can’t even enjoy a walk outside or a nice meal somewhere. everything near me sucks.
That must’ve been awesome to be on a work schedule like that. Did you get holiday overtime as well? That would be a total double-win.
Yea it’s an awful feeling to hate the place where you live. It’s like, as far as the eye can see, nothing but ugliness and depression, you can’t even dream of a better life because you’re surrounded.
As for meds, I have a rapidly dwindling stash left over from my wreck: painkillers (oxy, gabapentin) and sleep meds (ambien). I wish I could get my hands on real street drugs but tbt I’m a basket case of anxiety and wouldn’t know where to find a drug dealer. How tf does everyone else do it? I can’t even get weed.
Luckily we can still get OTC benadryl (diphenhydramine) because the government hasn’t taken that away yet. You can even get it online and delivered to your door which is how I get mine. I took a bunch this morning and it knocked me out most of the day.
But it wore off and now I’ll be awake & zombified all night. Didn’t think that thru. Taking more just results in anxiety.
How do you manage, if you don’t take drugs? When your brain is going squirly from all the bs and there’s nowhere you can run to, no one you can talk to, you gotta have some sort of escape?
overtime? ha, no. i was a salaried worker. they make 1 person do the job of 2 or 3 ppl nowadays. i got paid peanuts. we were allowed to choose a 4-10 schedule tho (4d a week, 10hr/day). most ppl took Fridays off. I chose Mondays.
how do i manage? i don’t. you see how depressed i am? lol
drugs are temporary, aren’t they? once you’re off, don’t you feel 2x as worse? i don’t like taking any kinds of meds- they’re all poison, and none actually fix the problem. i mean, poverty is the problem, shit living conditions is the problem, health is the problem. so no pill is going to fix any of that.
even for ppl with no health problems- most have problems like a terrible job or terrible pay or poverty or lack of love/friends/SO or etc- no pill will fix that. so i don’t see the point of taking something that isn’t going to fix anything.
the only “escape” is 1- coming to SP or other sites and venting and 2- watching movies/documentaries/etc that occupy the mind 3- going on rants against the corrupt world/economy/etc. ofc either no one listens or they’ve just accepted learned helplessness.
i, however, cannot accept this shitty corrupted society and be ok with it. so i’m stuck in anger. what else can i do? idk…
Yep that’s the bottom line. That’s what keeps me from being a proper drug addict, knowing that any high is pointless if hell is waiting at the end of it.
As it is, I have my drug day once every 2 or 3 weeks. Just to give myself something to look forward to. Like a prisoner being allowed to breathe fresh air every 2 weeks, it becomes a goal.
I’m glad you have those few escapes, weak as they are. Those same ones work for me sometimes. Do you read books? Reading is hard for me because sometimes I can’t block out the intrusive thoughts of my crappy life long enough to finish a sentence. Movies work better because they occupy 2 senses. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worthwhile to get one of those VR headsets & noise canceling headphones to really shut out the world.
eternaldarkness12/28/2025 - 5:43 am
so it only lasts for 1d and you have to wait another 2-3wks for it to work again? is that 1d at least “bliss”? or it just knocks you out so you’re more like “unaware” of how shit life is?
well you said money isn’t a problem for you right? so why not try the VR headsets & noise canceling headphones?
i used to be an avid reader but not anymore. i can’t concentrate long enough to have the words sink in. so i’m relegated to documentaries, basically. -_-
dying2die12/29/2025 - 10:30 am
Yup it’s basically 1 day (~12 hrs) of bliss, but not like a spaced out high, it’s just clear thinking and a general feeling of optimism. On that 1 day I actually feel like I can fix my life, and I usually get a lot done. But then it crashes and like you said, the lows are way worse.
If there was a way to sustain that feeling I swear it would be the miracle cure for depression, maybe for everybody not just me. But since it only works at high doses (4-6x what the doctor prescribed) it’s more like a spike and then burn. I suppose that’s why we have this epidemic of Oxy & painkiller abuse and ODs. People keep chasing that “1 day” every day, but at least I learned to pace it.
My guess is this strategy might work on you too because I think it works great on people with an active mind. Unlike regular anti depressants the zombify you, this combo actually amps up your mind but in a good way, minus the anxiety. Hah it sounds like I’m talking about cocaine, which I’ve never tried, but I guess yeah that’s the gist of it. No big secret.
We seem to be suffering from the same thing, we have active minds, tremendous potential, but we’re paralyzed from years of being stuck and going nowhere. We’ve lost our ability to organize, plan and problem-solve because we can’t concentrate on anything except depression and how crappy the world is. I suppose drugs are the only hope, so that’s why I keep trying (unsuccessfully).
As for money, yeah I’m stable enough but that’s only because the house is paid for and my expenses are minimal. I don’t have a regular job and my savings will only last another year tops. I never plan on living a year so I don’t worry about money lol. It’s all relative I guess.
eternaldarkness12/29/2025 - 8:54 pm
how many pills do u take that 1d?
what will u do when the 1yr is up and your funds are dry?
dying2die12/30/2025 - 5:36 am
I usually take 6-8 pills of gabapentin. The normal dose is 1 pill every 12 hours, but that does nothing for me. If I want to splurge I also take 1 oxy, but I’m down to my last bottle and I want to save those for a special day iykwim.
I’ve literally never considered what I’ll do when I run out of money. I guess that’ll be my last call for the suicide bus if I’ve been too much of a coward to do it first.
one_day12/27/2025 - 9:06 pm
Absolutely. To add insult to injury, my birthday is Dec 24. It’s just a reminder that I spend most of my life prioritising other people, and on my birthday no one prioritises me because they’re too busy celebrating some weird dead dude. I, too, tend to just tranq myself out for that week.
You know in Canada they have ‘Family Day’. It’s so insensitive to people who don’t have family. There’s not even a conversation about checking in on people who don’t have family. Just sheer ignorance and lack of empathy. And then if they ask you ‘What did you do these holidays’ and you say the truth – ‘Well, I was alone and depressed because I don’t have family and my friends don’t care’ – they act like you’re inconveniencing them. If they don’t want to know, I wish they would just not ask, coz I’m not gonna lie.
There’s SO many holidays already that celebrate “family”- Xmas, Thanksgiving (in the US), Mother’s day, Father’s day…etc.
Point is- WHERE IS SINGLES DAY??? I think singles should be celebrated for NOT adding to overpopulation, pollution, garbage, etc. Instead, we are shamed for being single. People who have more than 4 children should be mocked and shamed instead. Why does anyone need 4 or 5+ kids? All they do is add to noise pollution and drive up the rates for rents.
18 comments
You could spend the day doing some of your favorite things, eating your favorite things 🙂 Lots of people dont celebrate, so you arent alone in that. Personally, Ill be watching The Nightmare Before Christmas and eating cheese
well…i ate all my string cheese. i’m no longer near the other grocery store (another state) where i got good gourmet cheese for a good price.
you know what i’ve been watching? stupid ways people died on YT lol. you know, cheery xmas vids 😛
For real, all the holidays are celebrations of family so if you’ve got none to speak of–or if ‘family’ is a traumatic concept–it’s an exercise in humiliation. I plan to take an extra special dose of my meds and sleep through it.
which meds are you on that helps take the edge off? (just curious…i don’t take any kind of drugs or pills)
the holidays have always sucked for me. when i did used to work, i would be one of the few people who would come into work while everyone else was out in vacation. it was super nice/peaceful to have most of your annoying co-workers gone…and then i’d take my days off when everyone gets back. hehe :p
but now that i’m not working…life sucks even more. and like you, i’m stuck in a city i absolutely hate… so i can’t even enjoy a walk outside or a nice meal somewhere. everything near me sucks.
That must’ve been awesome to be on a work schedule like that. Did you get holiday overtime as well? That would be a total double-win.
Yea it’s an awful feeling to hate the place where you live. It’s like, as far as the eye can see, nothing but ugliness and depression, you can’t even dream of a better life because you’re surrounded.
As for meds, I have a rapidly dwindling stash left over from my wreck: painkillers (oxy, gabapentin) and sleep meds (ambien). I wish I could get my hands on real street drugs but tbt I’m a basket case of anxiety and wouldn’t know where to find a drug dealer. How tf does everyone else do it? I can’t even get weed.
Luckily we can still get OTC benadryl (diphenhydramine) because the government hasn’t taken that away yet. You can even get it online and delivered to your door which is how I get mine. I took a bunch this morning and it knocked me out most of the day.
But it wore off and now I’ll be awake & zombified all night. Didn’t think that thru. Taking more just results in anxiety.
How do you manage, if you don’t take drugs? When your brain is going squirly from all the bs and there’s nowhere you can run to, no one you can talk to, you gotta have some sort of escape?
overtime? ha, no. i was a salaried worker. they make 1 person do the job of 2 or 3 ppl nowadays. i got paid peanuts. we were allowed to choose a 4-10 schedule tho (4d a week, 10hr/day). most ppl took Fridays off. I chose Mondays.
how do i manage? i don’t. you see how depressed i am? lol
drugs are temporary, aren’t they? once you’re off, don’t you feel 2x as worse? i don’t like taking any kinds of meds- they’re all poison, and none actually fix the problem. i mean, poverty is the problem, shit living conditions is the problem, health is the problem. so no pill is going to fix any of that.
even for ppl with no health problems- most have problems like a terrible job or terrible pay or poverty or lack of love/friends/SO or etc- no pill will fix that. so i don’t see the point of taking something that isn’t going to fix anything.
the only “escape” is 1- coming to SP or other sites and venting and 2- watching movies/documentaries/etc that occupy the mind 3- going on rants against the corrupt world/economy/etc. ofc either no one listens or they’ve just accepted learned helplessness.
i, however, cannot accept this shitty corrupted society and be ok with it. so i’m stuck in anger. what else can i do? idk…
“no pill is going to fix any of that.”
Yep that’s the bottom line. That’s what keeps me from being a proper drug addict, knowing that any high is pointless if hell is waiting at the end of it.
As it is, I have my drug day once every 2 or 3 weeks. Just to give myself something to look forward to. Like a prisoner being allowed to breathe fresh air every 2 weeks, it becomes a goal.
I’m glad you have those few escapes, weak as they are. Those same ones work for me sometimes. Do you read books? Reading is hard for me because sometimes I can’t block out the intrusive thoughts of my crappy life long enough to finish a sentence. Movies work better because they occupy 2 senses. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worthwhile to get one of those VR headsets & noise canceling headphones to really shut out the world.
so it only lasts for 1d and you have to wait another 2-3wks for it to work again? is that 1d at least “bliss”? or it just knocks you out so you’re more like “unaware” of how shit life is?
well you said money isn’t a problem for you right? so why not try the VR headsets & noise canceling headphones?
i used to be an avid reader but not anymore. i can’t concentrate long enough to have the words sink in. so i’m relegated to documentaries, basically. -_-
Yup it’s basically 1 day (~12 hrs) of bliss, but not like a spaced out high, it’s just clear thinking and a general feeling of optimism. On that 1 day I actually feel like I can fix my life, and I usually get a lot done. But then it crashes and like you said, the lows are way worse.
If there was a way to sustain that feeling I swear it would be the miracle cure for depression, maybe for everybody not just me. But since it only works at high doses (4-6x what the doctor prescribed) it’s more like a spike and then burn. I suppose that’s why we have this epidemic of Oxy & painkiller abuse and ODs. People keep chasing that “1 day” every day, but at least I learned to pace it.
My guess is this strategy might work on you too because I think it works great on people with an active mind. Unlike regular anti depressants the zombify you, this combo actually amps up your mind but in a good way, minus the anxiety. Hah it sounds like I’m talking about cocaine, which I’ve never tried, but I guess yeah that’s the gist of it. No big secret.
We seem to be suffering from the same thing, we have active minds, tremendous potential, but we’re paralyzed from years of being stuck and going nowhere. We’ve lost our ability to organize, plan and problem-solve because we can’t concentrate on anything except depression and how crappy the world is. I suppose drugs are the only hope, so that’s why I keep trying (unsuccessfully).
As for money, yeah I’m stable enough but that’s only because the house is paid for and my expenses are minimal. I don’t have a regular job and my savings will only last another year tops. I never plan on living a year so I don’t worry about money lol. It’s all relative I guess.
how many pills do u take that 1d?
what will u do when the 1yr is up and your funds are dry?
I usually take 6-8 pills of gabapentin. The normal dose is 1 pill every 12 hours, but that does nothing for me. If I want to splurge I also take 1 oxy, but I’m down to my last bottle and I want to save those for a special day iykwim.
I’ve literally never considered what I’ll do when I run out of money. I guess that’ll be my last call for the suicide bus if I’ve been too much of a coward to do it first.
Absolutely. To add insult to injury, my birthday is Dec 24. It’s just a reminder that I spend most of my life prioritising other people, and on my birthday no one prioritises me because they’re too busy celebrating some weird dead dude. I, too, tend to just tranq myself out for that week.
You know in Canada they have ‘Family Day’. It’s so insensitive to people who don’t have family. There’s not even a conversation about checking in on people who don’t have family. Just sheer ignorance and lack of empathy. And then if they ask you ‘What did you do these holidays’ and you say the truth – ‘Well, I was alone and depressed because I don’t have family and my friends don’t care’ – they act like you’re inconveniencing them. If they don’t want to know, I wish they would just not ask, coz I’m not gonna lie.
don’t you wish we live in a world where no one can lie? (yes i know, they did make a movie about that)
“Well, I was alone and depressed because I don’t have family and my friends don’t care’”
-yup pretty much that. the world seems pretty pointless when no one gaf about us.
There’s SO many holidays already that celebrate “family”- Xmas, Thanksgiving (in the US), Mother’s day, Father’s day…etc.
Point is- WHERE IS SINGLES DAY??? I think singles should be celebrated for NOT adding to overpopulation, pollution, garbage, etc. Instead, we are shamed for being single. People who have more than 4 children should be mocked and shamed instead. Why does anyone need 4 or 5+ kids? All they do is add to noise pollution and drive up the rates for rents.