They finally seem to got their shit together. I was given all my training modules after asking and asking. They’re heartbreakingly boring and I can feel my brain leaking out of my ears. Just 8 straight hours a day of reading power points and watching videos. Towards the end I just started skipping to the end test cause I couldn’t be fucking bothered. All of which contain questions that are either common sense, super obvious, or super specific measurements for an equipment part. That will bite me in the ass. I still have like 10 more modules all of which are like 1.5+ hours long. Thank fuck I don’t have to complete all of them until March.
I got my work clothes yesterday. Which means I finally can be on the floor. Today I shadowed some technicians for the first time. The work doesn’t seem so bad. From the limited tasks I saw. It also appeared that they screwed around a lot and ignored safety stuff the training modules won’t shut up about. But it beats the hell out of the fucking training videos. Time actually felt like it was passing. Before I knew it I was half way through the day.
I still have a feeling I could fuck this up. Simple tasks or complex ones, I’m inept at it all. I’ll probably wind up jamming my arm in a conveyor belt or not locking out a control panel and blowing myself up. Not to mention that I just plain don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I still don’t think that this job will impress any engineering companies I’m going to be applying to soon. But at least my anger about the situation has died down. Now I’m just trying to get through it.
Dating app update. Been 3 days. And it still sucks for the most part. The whole conceit of it always rubbed me the wrong way. I’m given extreme surface level information about a stranger who 90% of the time looks just ok and I’m supposed to pick a picture or bio snippet to like like a creep or pass them up. There are so many things wrong with this. No matter how attractive you are, if I know virtually nothing about who you actually are, I feel nothing. About your looks or otherwise. For the very few that I feel something based mostly on physical appearance or the actually have something interesting in their bio, the next step is painful. I don’t like bothering people. I don’t like interacting with people. Especially if I know they won’t want to interact with me. But I have to put myself out there. I have to like and comment something like “Nice hair or Cool Tattoos.” Something vapid because this whole process is vapid. Then I know they’ll probably see it and immediately pass me up. At least that’s my hope deep down. And I repeat this process ad nauseam for the minuscule chance that someone also finds interest in me and the even smaller chance that it will actually lead to something. What’s worse is that it uses the algorithm method to make me want to engage with it. To mindlessly click on buttons (mostly the pass up button). Even though these are all people with lives trying to find something as well. As easily as someone passes me up, I pass up someone else. I guess the difference is that I’ll always be the one passed up. Wonder when I should call it quits and delete the app. Said I’d give it a week to see if anyone even talks to me, but honestly it’d probably take a lot longer than that. This must be the most pointless thing I’ve ever done and that’s saying something.
Commenting on a person’s appearance or interacting with someone that I don’t need to always felt creepy to me. Like me talking to them was upsetting for everyone involved. It made me think of this time in maybe my Freshman year of college. Something I actually wrote a post about. There was a cashier for the lunch line that I saw around fairly often. Red hair and freckles from what I remember. One day she changed her hairstyle and I said something like “I like your hair” when I paid for my food. I immediately hated myself. I felt like such a creep. Even if I step back and logically think about it that she probably liked the compliment or at least felt unfazed by my comment. It’s just not in my nature to talk to people unless I have a reason. Social interaction was never really a reason. Especially when it came to women.
Somewhat appropriate. I honestly just love this song. Irony that I like a romance song.