Waiting

it depends on who are the they, but yeah, society does have consequences for those who try to die, depending on method. I made my one attempt, and were I to attempt again I’d be a lot more quiet about it…. which is hard, warning about that. It’s not easy to pocket a method.

Fact is, chances are you’re in for the life sentence. So the reason you’re trying to escape it is what is so important. It has to be pretty damn important, or you wouldn’t be trying to scale the wall.

I mean, most anti suicide measures are there to keep you from succeeding in scaling the wall, but why you want to scale the wall in the first place matters more, else the will to live wouldn’t be fading. You wouldn’t be trying to escape life, if the whole honey pot that is life was successful in holding you here.

That’s what I’m supposed to do, talk people back into the honey pot. Make life make sense, but it doesn’t. It’s an array of suffering, and only something you find meaningful can make it worthwhile. Outside of a meaningful set of projects, you SHOULD run for the exit.

So that’s your question; what DO you find meaningful, what’s the point of you? I don’t have the answers of why you exist. What’s the point? I’m on the same journey.

Trying to be something other than useless is a hard road. Yet it’s the only road, because like I said, there are guards at the exits. Killing yourself is a lot more work than putting together a life, that’s what I’ve found out, the body resists your efforts at every turn. The darn thing doesn’t want to die.

I haven’t had much luck in that department, and I’ve put in the hours. No amount of lack of care, or harsh treatment can do it at any rate. Not trauma or facing the worst I can muster, my body is tough and wiley, and the mind is tougher still.

You put an order in for death, but you just end up becoming something resembling death, you don’t get the exit. I mean, gotta give death kudos for the interesting philosophical outcomes, but getting out of life? it doesn’t have a recipe.