I’m starting to feel it now that I’m about halfway there. It’s been around half a year since I started looking for a job. I took a month off as I was transitioning to this shitty new job, but other than that I think I’ve applied to around almost 500 jobs give or take. Says 340 on Linkedin. Must have had atleast 100 in Indeed. Then there’s the stuff from glassdoor, zip recruiter, and outside places I’ve applied to. I’m tired. I’m losing hope. I got like 3 rejection emails today alone. Some stupid ass company that wants me to interview before the end of Friday, which I can’t cause I’m stuck in Amazon warehouse hell for 12 hours a day. I told them this but they are insisting. Guess their recruiters are illiterate or something. So that’s a no go on the interview for them. Can’t say I even care at this point. It’s not a company I want to work for and I doubt I’d even get it if I did interview.
Every time I walk through that warehouse I just have a sense of dread. Like I’m going to be stuck there forever. My hatred is mixing with my indifference. Now it’s just aimless dread. All I ever think about now is how cheated I was. How my only shot was taken from me and now I’m stuck in this miserable situation. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Whenever I’m dealing with some stupid fucking flex conveyors or doing those brain dead PMs. This would be it. If there was ever a hopeless situation that would justify my blowing my brains out, this would be it. Peaking in grad school just to be stuck as a technician for god knows how long. Trying and failing at what I want like a PhD is one thing. Not even getting the chance because of some stupid bullshit is something else. This resentment will pile up more and more and more. I don’t know what will happen when I can’t bear it anymore.