a broken record

i don’t know what to talk about. i think lately i’ve been going through the motions a bit, both at work and just at home honestly. i guess there’s a limit to how much i can ignore an issue? at least that’s what it seems like. that person from before still texts me, and i don’t know what to do. i really don’t think they understand, honestly.
but anyway, i don’t want to sound like a broken record, always talking about the same things. it’s just a bit hard to deal with, i guess. i’m trying to get past it, but i just can’t pull myself together. pretty frustrating.
i wonder what it is about me that gets me in these situations. maybe i’m too soft, too trusting, too slow, too desperate. maybe too much and nothing at all, all at the same time. sounds dramatic lol. i really do wonder though.
i still don’t know what’s the point, in general. i mean yes, there are small things that make days more bearable, but even then, it’s just so difficult. everything is so heavy, so complicated. and it all feels so meaningless, too. i just keep myself busy, but for what? to say that i’m still breathing? because there’s no way actually living feels like this. so miserable, so empty, so meaningless.
why do i always have to deal with the consequences of what people did to me? it’s so unfair, to be harmed and having to be the healer. i have no desire in healing myself, for myself.
i’m so exhausted of how much effort it takes to inhale and to exhale, over and over and over and over and over again.