I’m so tired and burnt out, I’m just laying in bed. That was the bulk of my weekend, last weekend, only really getting up to get food since my fridge is empty. Been slacking on working out because of class. The person I really care about is halfway around the world and busy. I’d like to talk to her more but she’s with family and on a completely different time schedule. Not much I can do there expect not bother her too and check with her when she’s available. Idk man. Maybe I’m just not able to function as a human being, because I feel like it’s a lot when others have to juggle way more? That being said I’m not in a relationship or anything. I don’t really know what I’m going to do in all honesty. I’m starting to think that my future (whatever kind of future I have), will not be in the USA. But idk where I would even go, I only have a life in the US. I can’t drop everything on a whim and fly out, I need savings to do that. I can’t even move to a different state, same issue. I feel like I’m so far behind my peers and other relatives, despite knowing that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anyone but myself. And this is me doing better in life in an overall sort of sense. It’s just killing me that I’ve gotten myself in this kinda situation, and feeling like nothing I do will get me to a future that I feel I can be a better person with. I can’t give up, giving up means pure defeat and not caring about myself or my life. I can’t afford to give up, though. Not sure where I’m at in general. Part of me really wants to just grind, to try to make money to fix my shit, and just not even give myself time to think about all of this crap. I don’t know.
Can I really do this? Can I actually live a life?
I’m so tired and burnt out, I’m just laying in bed. That was the bulk of my weekend, last weekend, only really getting up to get food since my fridge is empty. Been slacking on working out because of class. The person I really care about is halfway around the world and busy. I’d like to talk to her more but she’s with family and on a completely different time schedule. Not much I can do there expect not bother her too and check with her when she’s available. Idk man. Maybe I’m just not able to function as a human being, because I feel like it’s a lot when others have to juggle way more? That being said I’m not in a relationship or anything. I don’t really know what I’m going to do in all honesty. I’m starting to think that my future (whatever kind of future I have), will not be in the USA. But idk where I would even go, I only have a life in the US. I can’t drop everything on a whim and fly out, I need savings to do that. I can’t even move to a different state, same issue. I feel like I’m so far behind my peers and other relatives, despite knowing that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anyone but myself. And this is me doing better in life in an overall sort of sense. It’s just killing me that I’ve gotten myself in this kinda situation, and feeling like nothing I do will get me to a future that I feel I can be a better person with. I can’t give up, giving up means pure defeat and not caring about myself or my life. I can’t afford to give up, though. Not sure where I’m at in general. Part of me really wants to just grind, to try to make money to fix my shit, and just not even give myself time to think about all of this crap. I don’t know.