The more time goes on the more I question if karma exists.
My happiness has been on a sharp downward trajectory since July. That’s when I decided to leave a stable relationship of 8 years. I had everything…love, loyalty, acceptance, and commitment, but something wasn’t right. My main excuse was disagreements on how to live together, financially, and family wise. After years of arguing, I decided to call it off before we would get married and a divorce would become inevitable. Truthfully I thought I was doing the right thing, but honestly I was also being selfish.
I broke her, I hurt her worse than anyone could have, she was desperate to make me return, but I was stern with my decision and I refused to stay. I thought “if these problems haven’t been able to be fixed these past 8 years then a marriage would only make things worse.” So I left…
I’ve tried dating again, I met a girl that had a strong affection towards me, and I felt the same towards her, but she is tied up in a cult and refuses to pursue things further if I don’t join (which I will not). Nowadays we have a hot and cold relationship that won’t go anywhere, so it’s pretty much dead.
I dated another girl for about a month that was super emotionally invested in me from the start, painted a beautiful illusion of us together, and was super “into” me. Turns out she was hooking up with half my coworkers lol.
I just recently stopped talking to a new girl who was very honest about expectations, and very respectful in a relationship sense. She was always available, and always showed interest, then out of the blue she just says “I’m not interested in pursuing this anymore ” again kind of hilarious.
It just seems everyone I’m saying is leading me to a dead end, and maybe I deserve it all. Maybe it’s karma for hurting someone good to me, maybe I’m just not giving these girls what they’re looking for. Maybe I’m dating the wrong age group (currently 30, dating girls in their early 20s). I’m not sure, but I’m getting lonelier and sadder as the months go by. And maybe I deserve this.