You have to pick one, that’s kinda the law of life unless you hit the lottery.
I pick alone. Don’t even have to think about it, this is where life has led me whether by choice or unconscious direction. It may not be the best path but it’s what I pick.
Let’s analyze the choices. Alone is, well, alone. Nuff said
Surrounded by people who don’t care is probably what most people experience and choose. Loveless relationships, casual friends who disappear like the weather, jobs with coworkers who don’t care about us any more than we care about them. Cities of anonymous little dots. This, I’d say is the state of life as nature designed it.
Surrounded by people who care but are are incompetent is a less common but equally depressing option. The spouse or bf/gf who says ‘I love you’ and fawns over you but has no clue what you mean when you say you want to fucking die, and all they can do is give you a hug. Or worse, like most people’s moronic parents, they do “what they think is best” like calling the cops on you when you mention suicide, or something equally dumbshit. BUT THEY LOVE YOU RIGHT? No thanks, I put that option in last place.
Obviously being alone isn’t helping me. I’m going to fucking kill myself regardless. But at least being alone I can do it on my terms.
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Follow up with the latest from hell…
Definitely I can’t situation #3, where people want to help but don’t know how. It ends up heaping guilt on you, and I think guilt can be the catalyst that triggers the actual suicide.
Because if you’re #1 alone or #2 with people who don’t give a damn about you, then at least your suffering doesn’t spread. It makes no difference to the world if you live or die, so if you can bear it then you can conceivably keep living out a natural life, which I guess is a good thing.
But in the case of #3, your continued existence is causing others pain. Anyone who cares about you will be hurt by seeing you in pain. Of course they’ll be hurt by seeing you die, so you’re in a truly hopeless position and there’s nothing you can do but feel the weight of the damage you cause. Guilt, anxiety, pressure, guilt guilt, guilt.
since you said to pick ONE and didn’t give the option to be alone, i suppose you’ll choose to be surrounded by ppl who don’t care then? O_o
I meant pick one of the 3 options:
1. alone
2. with people who don’t care
3. with people who care but can’t help
I pick alone. What about you?
Clearly I’m at option 1. Tho I can’t find ppl at who care either. Tho I do weed out ppl who are idiots/incompetent ppl they annoy me.
Unfortunately, IRL, I am surrounded by sharks- users/manipulators/psychopaths/sociopaths/and narcissists.
I notice a definite pattern of good ppl- especially good ppl WITH trauma- get surrounded by these AHs.
They smell blood in the water- they are attracted to the nice and manipulatable, and the ones with depression/trauma/anxiety/etc.
It is bc these ppl smell the depression/trauma in me and try to target me/use me/manipulate me that I’ve now come to HATE ppl.
If you’ve been used/manipulated one too many times, you just break- enough is enough.
That’s why I’ve been isolating. While there may be normal ppl or nice ppl out there, when you are “bleeding,” these sharks sniff you out and surround you. So your world is a world full of sharks and AHs.
It’s kind of like how child stars are surrounded by pedophiles.
When you have depression/trauma- bad ppl surround you. And in order to protect yourself, you’re forced to isolate.
But isolating is not good. My life since isolating us not good. But if I don’t isolate, these sharks/AHs will flock to me.
So what does one do??
You know how women who are abused keep going out abusive men? I used to think these women were idiots, choosing bad men over and over again. But Ive learned that it’s the abusive men that flock towards these broken women, bc broken women are easier to manipulate and control. It’s like sharks drawn to chum in the ocean.
Exactly exactly exactly! That’s why I keep circling back to the topic of SA. It’s central to the topic of existence and this stupid game we’re stuck in.
In the case of repeated trauma, SA or anything, people try to blame the victim because that seems “logical”. The victim wants it–case closed, not my problem. But that’s like saying it’s logical to assume that minnows want to swim into the mouths of sharks, why else would it keep happening to minnows?
No it’s simply that nature designed certain predators to go after certain prey. And in the human species, since we have no natural predators, nature is filling the gap by creating predator/prey groups within us.
Prey: children. Predator: pedos.
Prey: sensitive people. Predator: bullies.
Prey: vulnerable women. Predator: asshole men.
It’s so fucked up because in each case the prey are harmless while the predators are destructive and violent. Which leads us back to the eternal conclusion, this whole “game” is a challenge to see who’s the biggest asshole on the planet.
so the question remains- what do i do?
in order to avoid these sharks and AHs, i isolate. but isolating isn’t good. we need at least 2-3 close friends, and 1 relationship to be alright in life.
and esp me being disabled, i’m going to need help. rn, i’ve been all alone, with ZERO help, and it’s hard af. it’s funny how BEFORE i was disabled, i had lots of “friends” offering to help me, drive me (i don’t own a car), etc. but the SECOND i became disabled, not a single person was willing to drive me or help me, when just the day before, they would. and same with new ppl i meet- they are “nice” and “helpful” UNTIL they find out you are disabled, and then suddenly, they stop being “nice” and “helpful.” and no, i was always very independent and never asked for ANY help.
idk how to get around ppl “suddenly” acting like AHs to me the SECOND they find out I am disabled. (I was able to hide it until the last 3 years after I got super sick and fat after the fucking infection).
how do i get ppl to not treat me like i’m a virus they’re afraid to catch the moment they find out i am disabled?
ppl are only “nice” when they don’t know i’m disabled and not working. people treat you like garbage when they know someone is disabled or not working. it’s insane but that’s how ppl are. how do i get around that?
and also, how do i get around AHs and users from flocking to me like shark drawn to chum bc they can sniff out abuse/trauma. and i can’t avoid these ppl unless i isolate. and they’re not easy to find out bc they hide and mask so well.
let me add that i’m not looking for ppl to help me- that would be wonderful if even 1-2 ppl did.
i’m just looking for GOOD ppl to treat me like a human being and treat me like normal like everyone else. disabled ppl are treated like garbage in the US (and in most parts of the world) bc we are seen as “useless.”
Welp this is where I have a flash of optimism, faint as it is.
Even if nature has designed this shitgame to weed out the ‘undesirables’, life is fighting back as it often does. We’ve developed this impressive thing called the internet where people can connect across the planet, no judgment since we don’t have to meet in person, we are reduced to words on a screen, intellect, which softens the pain of “natural” interactions.
Ofc words on a screen can’t do diddly. But I imagine we’re far better off than 50 years ago when, if you were disabled, damaged or otherwise bottom shelf material, you’d have to sit completely alone and rot with yourself.
The first option just sounds like China. Being surrounded by incompetent is hell.
Suicide rates have been historically insane in China, but in recent years the rate has dropped (well below USA) due to urbanization, i.e. less isolation I guess. So maybe overall it’s better to be surrounded by apathetic or incompetent people than no one at all? I still choose alone. Of course I’m hellbent on suicide so I may be proof of the correlation.
The standard of living and life overall in China has actually improved drastically under Xi Jing Ping over the past few decades.
He and Putin aren’t the “big bad guys.” We are. They actually look after their own ppl. Under the US, they could not care less about us and send all our money overseas to other countries and to the corrupt rich fuckers.
Suicide rates are a marker of how well society is serving its ppl. China is doing well now so suicide rates have dropped. Meanwhile, here in the US, ppl are suffering, which is why our rates are high. As well as overall depression.
@anonymous- How is China or it’s ppl “incompetent?”
It seems like the US is way more incompetent. Things actually get done in China.