Okay- I may only be 17 so some would say that I am too young and have my whole life ahead of me, but right now it honestly doesn’t seem to be worth it. I’ve already half heartedly attempted to overdose twice but I’ve always made sure that the amount I take is relatively small so that deep down I know I probably won’t actually kill myself- I just go through the process.
My whole life I have aimed towards becoming a vet and recently, I’ve realised that this probably won’t happen because I’m not accademically strong enough- I’m close and its literally probably only by one grade, in one subject (maths) which no matter what I do- I’m never going to be able to improve. It actually hurts to only be slightly away from my dream- yet know that no matter how hard I try, I’ll more than likely never get there.
I’m sick of the school I’m in- I just feel like its constantly dragging me down and because I’ve told them about my suicide attempts, I feel like they’re constantly watching me, and every time I have a slightly off day- they ring my parents who then insist on talking about everything, when sometimes all I need to do is just go home and get a good nights sleep. I’ve spoken about leaving with a few teachers who I trust and have confided a lot in- they all seem to think that I’m running away- especially from the maths department, because the department feel that I haven’t tried hard enough this year, because I’m the type of person who will quite happily sit there in class and go unnoticed. I also have issues with trust and feeling vulnerable so I often won’t ask for help, even when i desperately need it. I end up panicking in my exams- to the point of hyperventilating and bursting into fits of uncontrolable tears. My maths teachers really don’t understand this and think I should just work harder- but I’m working as hard as I possibly could, I just have issues with stress and anxiety. To be fair my maths teachers don’t know about anything- the suicide attempts, the beta blockers, the anti depressants etc because I dont feel enough trust/warmth from them to feel “safe” enough to confide this information in them. Most teachers think that I should just talk it through with the maths teachers and explain exactly where I’m coming from- rather than uproot and move myself to a new school in what is probably going to be the hardest and most important year of my life so far.
I know I’m heading towards failure- I have to submit my UCAS by october 15th and right now I don’t think I could handle the rejection that is more than likely going to come my way. I could in theory just wait a year, but I don’t think that will make much difference.
I can’t see a point to my life anymore. If I don’t end up being a vet, what else will I do? I may as well just give up now and call it a day. I’m sat here with multiple bottles of alcohol and boxes of pills. My parents are away for the weekend so nobody would be able to find me in time to do anything. Can someone give me a reason not to?
6 comments
well i always say when a bad event has happend then a good will come maybe not right after but a good will happen and until that good comes i am here to help you though this ok email me xxKXWxx@yahoo.com
I can give you many reasons. 17 is a tough age, especially in high school, because you are trapped. High school is like prison, especially if you feel like you don’t fit in anywhere.
But you know what’s great? Graduating!! You have the whole world in front of you, with endless possibilities. I know you’ve heard this before, and it’s something you won’t know until it’s upon you. When I graduated, I went to Colorado on a full running scholarship. I thought I would be a national champion in the mile. Do you know what happened? I was constantly injured, battled depression, and lost my scholarship, so I transferred to a school closer to home.
Life takes us in directions we don’t expect. If I hadn’t transferred schools, I wouldn’t have gotten where I am today. I still struggle, but I am living my(new) dream, one step at a time.
Dreams don’t come easy. You have to work for it, which it seems like you are. Keep open communication with your teachers, this is good. And if you don’t get into vet school, you know what? Try again. Don’t give up. You ARE young, with a full life ahead of you, people who LOVE you, and plenty of people willing to listen and help you.
Do not give up on yourself or your dreams. Keep the hope.
-Misguided ghost
yeah seriously to tell u the truth i think ur gunna do something stupid, no offense, cause u have a bunch of time to try again! and ur 17, i mean ull be out of HS in what one or two years.? and there are probably other reasons to stay alive, like fall in love or just surviving for your family’ssake.
Hi. My name is daniel and im 15. I understand what its like to think you are going to loose your dream job…for me, i already lost it. But there is still hope for you. And please dont hurt yourself, you have your whole life ahead of you. Im here for you if u want to talk, my email is Daniel56843@yahoo.com
I’m only 19 myself hun and I felt the same lately…but slowly, and I mean slowly, I’ve started to turn back around…now I worry too about my future and what I’m going to do but at least you know you want to be a vet…I knows maths is a pain and it’s one of the subjects that some people can naturally do and others struggle…but sometimes all it takes is for someone to explain it in a different light…I was failing maths terribly with the first teacher I had and I never thought I’d pass…university looked like a definite no…but in the last year the teacher changed and the guy was brilliant he was professional and supportive and pushed us, especially me, through…I only got a C but before that I was getting E’s…so all I’m saying is think about what you haven’t done yet…you seem like an animal lover and plenty of animals need to be helped in the world…just take each day as it comes and try to find those reasons you want to keep going 🙂
dont do it. please. i have been where you are. dont do it. just hold on. please. i’m praying for you.