You should have killed me when you had the chance

I try to get help, like everyone says to. I try to tell people about how i feel, they dont listen. I try to use music, but its not enough. The only thing that ever seems to be enough is a blade. Not because it feels good, or because i like to watch myself bleed, because it seems like its the only thing that ever listens to me. For once, i can take my mind off not being oerfect enough, or pretty enough, and i can focus on a other type of pain. Release. Everyone seems to care so much about themselves. All my friends always talk about how theyll always be here for me and how much they care..but when i wana jump off a bridge, nobodys there with me. So why should i care about anyone or anything, when everyine in the world is so fake and doesnt give a flying fuck about me?