The thing is i’m not quite sure i know who i am any more and I dont really care.
I had a breakdown last week at a school trip. I  sat somewhere away from everyone else. I knew no one would come and check on me because they don’t see me as their real ‘friend’ because I’m too different from them. So I sat alone as my mind reminded me of everything that’s gone wrong and the reasons for them. I remebered why my friends left me. I remembered why I almost killed myself last year. I couldn’t think straight. Then as i’m about to cry who else to come and check on me but my exes they both know of my problems so actually worried. They asked me what was wrong all i was in such a state I could only whisper nothing.One of them said it’s clearly not nothing. The other just stood there. I told them they didn’t know who i was they both told me they did. But how can they know me when I don’t know my self. They walked off then. And I was there sitting alone again.
Alone is what I always have been.  Friends leave me. Family leave me. Anyone I care about leaves me… I have noone to turn to. And someone that can probably help me I turned away saying I was alright and she believed me. So who is there left t help me now. Who is left to save me before I completely destroy myself
5 comments
You.
You.
You.
Your anxiety is justified. I am not a counselor or psychiatrist. I am someone who society has attempted and failed to fix. I’ve found the primary reason for this is that I am not broken…they are.
You’re in school. School is notorious for chewing up and spitting out those that don’t conform. The worse the school, the worse it is. If you can just hold on long enough to finish school and go onto College or University, you may find yourself surrounded by more likeminded individuals when you get there. It depends on whether you choose to pursue further studies in what you are genuinely passionate about rather than what you feel pressured to study by others.
This is coming from someone that had similar experiences in school over 20 years ago.
Good luck.