Suicide is painless, right?

So…yeah. I don’t exactly know how I’m going to start this, but…

I have been considering suicide my way out since last November. At times, it would just be subtle-the thought of how easily I could pass off my death as an accident by stepping out in front of a bus by a busy local road, for example-but recently I have felt a lot worse.
The reason I have been considering suicide is that I was ostracized in November for being, as I was called, an inconsiderate, heartless bastard by people who had been my closest friends in a long time. And I deserved that, I think, but not how they would ignore my repeated attempts to say sorry, or how occasionally they would deceive me into thinking that we were on friendly terms again, and then turn it around on me and break me even further.
I still had one good friend after that, though. He was my semi-functioning lifeline, and it would usually be his ignorant idiocy that would brighten up my otherwise bleak and miserable day.
So anyway, the whole deceiving thing stopped in April, though I was still considering suicide an option. It was after school ended, and after my prom was over, that I was sent on a youth program.
To be honest, I didn’t think that I would enjoy it, but I did, and while I was there, I told them about a “friend” I had that didn’t actually exist. I told them about what I had done, and thought about, and they all seemed shocked. And…at that moment in time, as they stared at me in silence, I realised that people outside of my immediate family would miss me. I realised that I would have missed out on them, and I truly felt better. For those three weeks, my life was at an apex.
And then…something happened.
My semi-functional lifeline…moved on from me. Started seeing one of my attackers, and…I crashed immediately.
This is someone who I have been friends with since I was 7, someone who has been with me through primary and secondary. My best friend.
And he just moved on, and we don’t really talk now, and I don’t exactly know how to deal with this.
I’m still considering suicide as a viable option, but telling that group of people about my “friend” really helped me, and I would like to be honest for once.