Back on August 28, 2003, two weeks after I get into school for my 7th grade year in middle school, my Grandpa Jon (Whom I’ve called Grumpy ever since I’ve met him) committed suicide by BB Gun in Mema’s (my great-grandmother) kitchen. My dad was depressed for some time before threatening mine and my little sisters lives. Mom made the right decision by telling him that she was filing for divorce. I almost lost my dad to suicide and now, about 7 years later, I almost took my life with drugs. I’ve tried overdosing with Asprin and Tylenol but it just made me feel all light-headed. I also tried using the gun that my dad inherited from Grumpy. That didnt work out since my dad caught me in the process… I feel like I’m depressed every day even tho I should be happy since I’m engaged, I FINALLY have a job, and my relationship with my dad is almost back to where it was before he made those threats. I’m trying my best to get these thoughts out of my head by thinking positive but its not doing much. I have to pretend every day that I’m happy and that nothing is bugging me…
I’ve also lost a couple friends to suicide… Krissy Worthen took her life back in 2007, the last month of school… Nobody knew what went on until someone from the school told us what happened to her before she took her life. I couldn’t believe it because I’ve known her since middle school and she’s never been the type of girl to do that…
I also lost Ryan Crowder to suicide this past year… I dont know what went on with him but he was the kind of guy that others looked up to…
Anyone have any idea for me of how to keep away from suicidal thoughts???
2 comments
I once had a boyfriend that could help me feel like life was worth while. I was with him for about 6 years and I knew that he loved me very much and wanted to understand how I was feeling. He knew me so well that he could tell when I was upset and “fix me” right away. Perhaps you need someone to be vulnerable with- perhaps you should try to further develop the relationship you are in. Perhaps the woman you are engaged to needs to understand your feelings and battle your negative thoughts out with you and hold you. What exactly makes you feel suicidal- you didn’t really explain.
I’m sorry that you lost your grandpa in that way, it’s always hard to lose a loved one. The only thing that i can think of that might help is to when you have suicidal thoughts, is to think what if it was reversed. What if your fiance’ was the one feeling what you were feeling, and wanting to commit suicide. You’d probably feel really crushed with out them in your life, the same way they’d feel if you lost them. As evolve already asked, what makes you feel suicidal?