i was right. i really am all alone in this world. ive officially been cut off by the last person i thought i could call my friend. what is wrong with me? am i just that worthless im not even worth the time to talk to anymore? am i not supposed to have any friends? am i not supposed to get what i want in this life? its all too much for me. i just want to curl up, fall asleep and never wake up again.Â
everyday is a struggle. the shit i pull just to get through the day makes me want to cry. i feel so worthless and unwanted. i dont attend school anymore, its just too miserable. my daydreaming grows worse as the days go on. its so sad to think that i like to spend every second of my free time daydreaming, fantasizing, exploring. its my own personal escape from reality. no drugs, no alcohol, no meds, just me and my imagination, eating time away into what feels like infiniti.
but you dont know the half of it. i was physically and verbally abused all my life. i was never raped or molested, just beaten up and called various names and told im useless and how i would never amount to nothing. but they were right. even if i didnt believe it at the time, they were all right. my life has amounted into nothing. i dont ever leave my house unless i go to school. i have absolutely nobody to talk to anymore. it makes me cry. i just cant get death out of my head, its all i want and its all i think about. i want to hang myself and get it overwith. no more pain, no more misery, no more loneliness. all i ever wanted was to be happy…
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i understand. i’m there too. totally alone. maybe it will get better, right?
They weren’t right. If someone hits a window with a hammer, is it the window’s fault for breaking? No, it isn’t. With hammers and chisels, those around you have sculpted you into the shape you’re in now. It is not your fault.
Please, try to hang on. This world needs you far more than the assholes who hurt you. Prove them wrong. Stay alive. Defy them by living. Hurts like he’ll, doesn’t it? I know, for I am just like you, have endured similar things. I suppose that’s why I’m alive today, I just didn’t want to make the bastards happy.
Yes, I wish for death to end my pain. I am someone who it seems all the world despises, looks down on, laughs at. How I wish I could sleep and wake no more and be at peace. Yet this is not the day. Though the world calls me a failure, I will succeed in surviving. I won’t do their job for them.
You think you’re a failure, useless. Yet your words have helped me deal with my pain. You have succeeded. If you want to see people who are truly useless failures, look at people the world looks up to as successful. Politicians, corporate executives, etc. These are some of the world’s worst people -they are the true failures. It’s hard, though, isn’t it? But the true heroes are the ones who fight against the odds, no matter how overwhelming. Yes, you have fought hard, and are deeply wounded. But your success so far in surviving everything the world has thrown at you so far makes you truly heroic.
You have been abused. You know what it is to suffer. How would you like to be truly great, a shining success? Do what 99% of the world can’t or won’t do. It’s incredibly hard. What you don’t want done to yourself, do to no one else. What you would want done for yourself, do for someone else. Be different. Be great!