My name is Abbey and I’m 13 years old. Here is my story.
In the Summer of 2009, my pain started. My dad got a call from my aunt saying that she had to put her dog down. Her dog was a wonderful dog who I loved very much. Later in the year, in November, my great-grandmother passed away 2 days after my family visited her. I wasn’t EXTREMELY close to her, but I loved her and she loved me. I’ve never felt so sad. I started feeling better and I was back to old self very soon after. Then, in November of 2010, my school district went on a 6 week strike. I had more time to think so I started thinking. Why are we alive? What’s the point of living? Questions such as that. I wanted to die. I wanted to end it. My parents found out and sent me to therapy for a few months. I felt better through 2011 and felt great by the end of 2011! But then 2012 came. I started feeling sadder and sadder. I was being bullied at school. I was a laughing stock. I was the anime-loving freak. I was the girl with the horns. I only had two friends I could trust. My parents didn’t care for me. In March, I began to cut. I made the mistake of accidentally letting my cuts show. My mom saw them. They took away my computer for nearly 2 months. They sent me to a mental hospital for 8 days. They acted like they did me a favor. Like they helped me. The therapist took their side even though she said she’d help me. I acted like I got better to get out. I finally got out and went right back into school. Nobody cared that I was gone for 8 days. Nobody asked. Except my two friends. It finally became summer and I wasn’t doing much. I found a group in July called Pittstuck. A group for the webcomic Homestuck. I told my dad about it and he was skeptical. Finally, he let me go to the first meetup. The meetup was great! I had an amazing time! Then, I started feeling horrible and sad. That was 9 days ago. Then my dad let me have a cosplay party 2 days ago. He won’t admit it, but he’s furious about me being happy. It’s not right when a father is horribly angry because his daughter is happy. He might not let me go to the second meetup because that means I have to get dressed up again. He hates me dressing up. He wants me to be “normal.” Be like the other kids. Enjoy stupid new pop and rap. Be like my social sister or my athletic brother. But that’s not who I am. I feel like I can only talk to my mom because she’s having issues with my dad. I feel under appreciated. I want to end it. I need to end it. I need a quick and non-painful way out. I need help. And not from some therapist.
7 comments
In the end, all you can do is stay true to yourself no matter what, and you can’t conform to what other people want you to be because that isn’t what makes you happy. It saddens me to see someone even younger than me on here wanting the same thing as me. It’s better to have 2 very close friends than 20 fake friends who don’t even care about you.
Best of luck.
You seem like a very smart young girl.
Plenty of time to see the brighter side of things.
Look at it this way.. you have a roof over your head..
When you get to be my age and are living alone and loose your job.
Problems like where is my next meal coming from, and how do I pay my rent
So I’m not living in the streets. Are the things I think about..
I would give anything to be able to live with my dad for 6 months and save some money,
But that’s not an option..just try and enjoy your youth.. I would give anything to do it all over again
Things can always be worse but they can also get a lot better.. remember tough times don’t last,
Tough people do. Chin up young lady.. there’s always someone to vent to.
Hi Abbey. You ‘need a quick and pain-free way out’. Babe, so many of us here have had exactly the same thought at some time. And you know what? There’s no such thing.
You also say (in the same breath) that you need help. Well of course you do Abbey. None of us can get by all on our own, you included.
You’re an intelligent girl Abbey. I bet you’re quite good at your studies am I right? You are both blessed and cursed with a sensitive nature, I’m afraid. This will make you (usually) kind, empathic and compassionate to others. You’ve felt real pain yourself so for you it is now a reality which you can recognise in others.
It’s good that you were able to connect with the people at the Pittstuck meetup. Obviously you found some kindred spirits there. That’s what it’s all about Abbey. You have to go a bit further than high school to find people you can ‘gel’ with. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a freak. Being ‘harder to please’ is not necessarily a negative thing, far from it! It just means you are discerning, which is a posh way of saying ‘picky’.
You’re so young and the lack of control over your own life is what really sucks about it sometimes. Later on you can choose the ppl you want to hang out with, and you will probably feel a huge sense of relief and ‘homecoming’, a bit like what you felt at the Pittstuck thing.
Bless you Abbey. Zx
wow louise. that was a really nice post. you seem like a nice person. bless you too.
Parents don’t always understand and sometimes they don’t even make the right choices for us. my parent sent me through so many hospitals and tests and doctors and i can tell you not one helped me in any way if anything they made it worse. i felt like my family was trying to get rid of me because i was broken and they didn’t want me back till i was fixed. Hon if that meetup makes you happy then you need to sit down with your father and ther rest of your family and tell them exactly what is going on. be confident and forceful because if they don’t understand how much you need it then they won’t allow it. you have to explain it to them so they have no other choice but to let you go. and i’m glad you have 2 very good friends and hope things get better for you. my situation is very similar to yours and i would love to help and give advice message me anytime. 🙂
You’re at an age where life starts to get a little more complicated. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it doesnt, it gets harder actually. I know you’re in a lot of pain. Just keep in mind that school doesnt last for ever and that after high school 1) your life will be completely different and 2) you will be the master of your own destiny and will therefore be able to wear, see, do, go whatever, whenever or with whomever you want to. At 13 I know that must seem like a long way off but hang tough.
Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I have a bunch of responsibilties, as well. I have to gather 20 people and lead them in a panel. I’m really hoping the panel will be a success but it’s not until April. I’m also going into highschool, already. I began school early because I was able to read at the age of 3. I’m at the top of my class and going into all honors courses. I’ve been babysitting to earn some money because if I want to do something, I pay for it. The family is incredibly generous so I get about 7 dollars an hour. But I’ve felt useless and down. My own father doesn’t accept my interests. He asks what I’m drawing. I reply with Homestuck. He says okay and leaves right after. There’s a Homestuck meetup. He says we’ll look at it. End of conversation. My sister yells at me for saying my dad doesn’t accept me. She says I go around everywhere with a costume on, constantly blabbing about Homestuck. But I tone it down to a minimum and I’ve only worn my costume 3 times in my whole life. >:c