I’m still alive… against all odds… and no one has realised that i have even attempted to take my life and i keep giving them hints… they don’t care enough to pay any attention to me… so why should i even bother with them anymore?
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No need to care about anyone else. Live for yourself. Love yourself. When you do that, when you stop hurting yourself, the other people will get close to you. But never forget that only you can create your future.
Katie, I have reposted my previous post on making plans.
I want you to read it and start thinking of your own plan.
the Plan
Middle of the night you wake up, sweaty, confused, afraid. That same old feeling of dread hits you. Why can’t you sleep? Every night it’s the same fuckin thing.
You wake up hating yourself and wishing you were dead, you start to think of Cutting, that always works.
But tonight Cutting doesn’t help, you are overwhelmed by a strong hatred for your life and a desperate need to kill yourself.
You remember the Plan
You dig around, it’s here somewhere, you wrote it yourself, you knew it would come in handy one of these days.
As you read your own hand writing you are drawn to a happier time. You had help, you had hope. You planned for this moment and now you read your own words across the page.
“Nothing loves you like I do…
So follow our plan…â€
The plan isn’t what you expect. I’m not talking about about some ridiculously expense way to do the dirty work that old age is supposed to take care of.
Nope.
This is a safety plan kids…
Yeah I been reading your little website here for a bit and I can’t help noticing that in all talk of planning, no one talks about planning what to do when you feel like shit next time instead of bleeding out like a hero falling on a sword.
So here it is kids, plain and simple.
Make a Plan
A Safety Plan
DO THIS;
When you are feeling strong, and hopefully with the help of a well meaning friend, I call them Mentors, sit down and write a safety plan.
The plan has three parts and each part is divided into two.
The first part is all about what you can do right now, alone, to help yourself feel better and the second half of the first part is all about who can you call right now, yup even in the middle of the night.
The second part is all about what you can do the next day to make yourself feel better, and the second half of the second part is about who can I call the next day.
The third part is about what can you o in the next week to feel better and the second half of the third part is about who can you call in the next week.
Simple right?
Ok your fuckin lost, lemme spell it out;
Middle of the night, feel like shit, I should:
Part one A, hug my teddy, drink hot cocoa and masturbate (hey it’s your body!)
Part one B, call friend who said she would listen, call help line.
Part two A, go to gym, go window shopping, eat healthy.
Part two B, call family and friends if they don’t suck, call doctor, call therapist.
Part three A, visit friends or church or special place, go to doctor/Therapist
Part three B, call clubs to join, call support group, call people you are losing touch with.
Get it?
Simple right?
Here are the rules:
It must be your plan!
It must be stuff that works for you.
Part One must include people you can actually call in the middle of the night and stuff you can actually do, this website for example.
Get creative, build a fort in your house and hide when you feel bad!
I am very proud of you Katie, you have put up with alot and you are still surviving.
Can you make a safety plan as I describe?
Would you post post it here for us too see?
Take care of yourself Katie!
god love you so do i dont end your life there are many who care for you love john
Good grief you on a mission? People like Katie need help not a sermon! Oh to be so all knowing and totally right you must be blessed to have that much righteous conviction. Personally I think you get off on it, however it takes all sorts.
@Tease54… thank you for posting what you did… i didn’t like what that person posted and i thought it was quite ridiculous and unhelpful.
The Guardian means well, but many of those posts written are too simplistic. Well written, but just too simple. Dissecting it is not what I want to do right now, but the plan for example, only works if you believe enough in it and also there is actually almost nothing that makes me feel better in any way, shape or form and this has been the case for a very long time now.
Just personally speaking, if only 1 thing made me feel better if only for a second then I would be a lot happier than I am now. But without that reward pathway working, it just doesn’t help.
Hints do not work btw, sorry to say. I have people who know I am suicidal, that I have attempted seriously and still I am alone. Was even seen by people alone, desperate and propping up a bar 2 weeks after leaving psychiatric hospital a year ago for the first time (up to 8 times more now in last year), nobody did anything.
I do not think it say much about us, but more about them, unfortunately.
Well one person knows that i am suicidal and i was basically telling her last night that i was going to do it and she was ignoring me and kept saying the same thing over and over again… she is the only person that i’ve found that can calm me down even just a little bit… and apparently i’ve lost her too.
I do mean well, thank you.
Yup, it needs to be things that work for you, my things won’t work, it has to be your plan, your self care ideas.
I know it’s easy to say ” ya but…” and focus on why you can’t get help, but you can!
You already have the best person there to help you, YOU!
You have all the power, use it with care.