So to make it short, Im 22 im a gay man. When I was 15 i left because my father and step mother didnt know how to handle me because of my frustration with dealing with my mother abandoning me my brother and sister when we were children. i watched her cheat on my father and I told him about this..hence the beginning of the divorce. It was rough and Im the oldest so I saw how it affected all of us..my brother became quiet and began playing by himself..isolating himself from anyone and everything..you would call im the easy child..sister was an infant so shes lucky. I left anyway because of my closeted situation and moved w my mum. She treated me like a dog..threw me out and watched me beg to come back when i was 17-19..my father never once took me back and everyone ignored me and didnt want to communicate with me..I never was a bad kid..emotional but not bad. Im 22 now..and a man that filled that gap of emotional darkness came randomly into my life. Together for almost 2 years w alot of life changing experiences between us both while together..he left me before i started my fist semester of college..he also was the one to teach me to live life in healthier ways..and to enjoy it. also the one to inspire me to go to college..I went from zero to hero..my family still sees me as a zero though..they dont show any support towards my college..or my personal life period..they abandoned me too..cousins aunts uncles brother sister..dad mother everyone..Im not saying im going to kill myself..but im saying..I feel like all the trying Ive done to show people that I have changed has been in vain..and now Ive got anxiety issues…im not on any drugs PERIOD. pharmaceutical or illegal.. And ive never felt like THIS before..SOmeone..please just give me advice..I havent slept in a week..I havent eaten in days..I confine myself to my room..and I focus on school..other than that..I sit and stare blankly..watching every day go by..the worst feelings ive ever had were the ones while i was homeless..and I’m terrified..because there all coming back..every second of everyday..I fight my mental self..but Im not feeling so strong anymore..im a good guy..a good man..a good son..a good partner..a good grandson..a good brother..a good sister..a good cousin..a good friend but most of all a good person..why doesn’t anyone think this? i help with anything they ask, not for personal gain..but in the hopes that maybe we can have a conversation that allows us to get past the past and have a happy and loyal long lasting future as family. All I want is the same as everyone else..im a scared..man..but now i feel like that little boy sitting out the steps waiting for mommy to come and pick us up like she promised for the 4 years in a row. Im not some loser who sits around all day in the bed..I function like every other busy person..its just these feelings aren’t heard by anyone because they choose not to care to listen…pleas help me..anyone. Some advice for a life with SOOO much potential.
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:’c this mad me cry….ive always felt bad for other people but wht happend to me…ive realized im not the only one thats been threw a lot i love reading other peoples stories….it makes me cry and i dont feel like im crazy no one is we all have problems and i understand i love people tht just come clean on what there problems are…:’c well take care<33
Well you need to sleep, physically, because not sleeping can cause hallucinations which would make you feel worse. I think I know how you feel… The scariest feeling I’ve ever felt was nothing… Just no emotion at all, I just felt weird and empty. Obviously I don’t know you personally, but it sounds like you’ve had a rough life. If your family really does care about you, somewhere deep down, don’t let them realize it by leaving this life. Make a name for yourself without them. If they’re not supporting you, accept it and move on for the time being. Maybe one day they’ll realize how strong you’ve become all on your own. The hardest battles to fight are in your head and your heart; coming to terms with your feelings is difficult. I hope this helped you feel a little better, and I wish you all the best. If karma exists, surely you will find true happiness…and I believe it does.
You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
You said yourself that you have so much potential, and I have no doubt that you do. Try to surround yourself with people that will help rather than hinder you. Don’t be afraid to cut your family off, especially if they cause so much grief for you.
I suspect that breaking up with your partner must have been difficult, but he obviously came along in a time of your life where you needed some encouragement to go in the direction of college. It’s almost as though the universe has decided that his work here is done, and now it’s up to you to pick up and run with it.
Who knows, maybe you’ll meet another person tomorrow. Maybe this new person will help you build on what you already have. Or perhaps, after some soul-searching, you will find that the person that will help you excel in life is you.
All the best.