I don’t know where to post this, so I decided general was my best bet. Sorry if its wrong 🙁
Hello, first I would like to say a few things about myself :
I am a 15 year old female from the United States. I was diagnosed with some basic stuff like Depression, a psychotic disorder, general anxiety (Doesn’t everyone pretty much have that?) and ptsd (Which I don’t really agree with. At the time I had a psychiatrist with a degree from the Caribbean who was only practicing for 2 years and I don’t think I have it or I have a very mild case of it), and we were also exploring the possibility of bipolar disorder when I lost insurance.
Yes, I lost insurance, I no longer have a therapist or psychiatrist to talk to. Even worse, my mom wanted me stop taking my meds because I’m too fat (I’m 170 pounds, so I am actually pretty heavy). I’m very scared of my mom. She threatens me with the mental hospital (as I went there once and my doctor lied about my behavior so I’d stay there longer to collect insurance money and a nurse had to break hospital code to get me out of there) and denies my diagnosis because she said that the psychiatrist said I’m absolutely fine and I have no idea what I’m talking about even though I CONFIRMED my diagnosis with my therapist AND was planning with her to confront my mother, which she says I lie about. I would swear on my grave that that is true and she still wouldn’t believe me.
My mother wasn’t always like this though, she used to be very supportive of me. What made her stop being nice to me was me buying a snack wrap on time. Yes, I’m literally not joking. Her and I were discussing dinner when I had my sister go get me a snack wrap because after the whole conversation with my mom, I thought we had come to the conclusion that I could get a snack wrap. Well I was wrong and when she saw what I got she got very angry at me and yelled at me about how I’m manipulating her and how she wasn’t going to be nice anymore and was going to do ‘tough love’. So yeah, she basically stopped being nice and supportive over a McDonalds SnackWrap.
I hear and see things and have been having a really hard time without my anti-depressants. My voices are commanding and I’ve been very tempted with suicide. I have been looking up how to kill myself and looking at forums like sanctioned suicide. I want to kill myself like how Kate Spade did by hanging herself with a belt in her closet/with a doorknob (?) I’ve read that you pretty much go unconscious very quickly and it seems very ideal. The risk of messing it up and becoming disabled it worth it. No matter how morbid that sounds, I’m just so done with my parents and my mental health.
Now, does anyone have any advice on what I can do to make things worth living. Maybe ways to cope, or some way I can reach out for help without my parents getting notified? (I once talked about their behavior and got screamed at and punished, they also convinced the mental institute I was at at the time that I lied about everything I said about them.)