I viewed this site 6 months ago shortly after trying to kill myself. I couldn’t find the strength to actually go through with it when the time came. I wanted to die. I wanted to die more than I wanted to live, but for some reason I just couldn’t do it. I hated myself for a little while, thought of myself as a coward.
Since then I have been seriously working through things in my head and exploring every possible reason for me to stay alive. Suddenly, last week, the darkness lifted from me for no apparent reason. I felt lighter, happier and could see things crystal clear. I felt perfectly calm about dying – excited even. Now as each day passes I feel little butterflies in my tummy, a bit like falling in love, when I think that I wont be here much longer. Whereas before, I used to feel sick and frightened of death.
I am not posting this to encourage anyone to kill themselves, on the contrary, I am saying that you must not kill yourself (or at least try hard not to) if you are not feeling good about doing it. In my opinion, I don’t think that one actually can kill themselves unless they are ready anyway. You will know when you are ready. But more importantly, you will certainly know if you are not!
5 comments
Like yur Story 🙂
The thing is. I’ve been wanting to Kill myself fer so many Years.
But i’ve been keeping myself Alive fer Reasons.
I still think of it to Time to Time.
..
I know Nothing’s Perfect. And everyone’s Life is SOrta Crappy.
But,… Im not strong like most people.
Makes sense! Good post
Well I don’t exactly feel ‘ready’ to kill myself, I’m gonna end up doing it out of anger and feeling forced to die rather than live in poverty or beg people to help me out, so saving myself humiliation. I’d rather be dead than humiliated and jobless. I don’t give a shit anymore
Golden, you’ve expressed what many of us feel very well. I’m in agreement with Capello; I’d rather be dead than homeless; that will certainly be the defining moment for me.
Barrykitty; Well I’m quicjly learning that you’re not wanted in this world unless you’re a financial asset, and that not only makes me want to die, but makes me feel pretty damn disgusted that I ever enjoyed being human. I like what you wrote in the other post about your cat and shrinks – so very true!