i am so hurt. i am so alone. i am crying every day because i miss her so much.
i am not afraid of being gone. i am afraid of being here, without her.
she told me more than once, “you are the only man i could ever imagine forever with, and that makes me so happy.”
now, she doesn’t speak to me at all… and very likely says those same words to another. this pain is too much. it may be “normal” for everyone else in the world to love and then leave. it may be perfectly acceptable for everyone else to abandon someone who truly cares. if that is the case… if that is NORMAL in this world, then i do not want any part of it. any life that does not include her, is not a life worth living any longer. if i could hate her, “man up and move on” like the supposedly normal people do, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt anymore… and then i would be just like them…cold, vacant, and shallow. i refuse to let me heart hate her though. i am not blind. she is imperfect. but in my eyes, and by my heart, she will always be beautiful. she will always be my best friend. she will always be my wife.
but a world where she now chooses to ignore me, is a world i choose to leave.
it may seem juvenile or stupid to die for love, or rather the loss of it. but in my reality, it is the ONLY thing worth living and dying for.
love, in it’s many forms, is the reason we exist. without it, we are no more than wastes of flesh.
6 comments
Thank you so much for articulating it so well. I am in the same exact situation and I couldn’t describe it as well as you have. You’re right about the “normal” people who just get up and move on… that shit doesn’t seem normal to me. How can that be normal and who would want to live in a world like that? I wish our loved ones would just be like how we are…. so we wouldn’t have to kill ourselves to escape the pain. Suicide over love is one of the only suicides that makes sense in my opinion because it’s the kind of pain that can’t be medicated and can’t be overcome just by yourself. I wish I were dead, so so so much, I just want to be dead.
dont think its stupid to feel so sad over a situation like this, its very common and one of the toughest things anyone can go through :l a broken heart is painful. you feel so worthless, u dont have any energy to do anything anymore, u just wanna beg them to come back, and u dont wanna give up. i understand and just stay strong. its gonna be a while til u feel better but listen to music, not sad music but rather inspiring music. go out with friends, wether u feel like it or not, just try it out. try distracting yourself as impossible as it seems. u deserve someone whos willing to give u their all and not leaving u hanging in the end.
I completely feel like this.
If we’re supposed to move on after being so completely in love, then what’s the point of loving again? I long for forever with him. I love every flaw he has and I love every problem we had between us because it meant there was something meaningful between us.
When he told me he could never be with me again, I collapsed.
When I saw him with someone else, kissing her just like he kissed me, I tried to kill myself.
When I woke up, I imagined his arms telling me it was okay, and decided that to move on and try to live life would be to do so with the love of friends and family. Romantic or sexual love towards anyone else is unimaginable.
jmvsic, you are not alone in having such strong feelings of love, and i truly hope that you find someone, someday, who your ex can’t compare to. I hope you are swept off your feet by someone incredible, who won’t want to replace “her”, but will be something new to you.
thank you all for reading and responding.
i know in my mind that love changes over time. we are supposed to adapt, and change WITH each other. i am all for “moving on”, if it’s done TOGETHER, like we promised each other. and i am not so naive as to think that love only comes around once. it’s actually pretty easy to find someone to love. to spend time together, doing things fun, romantic, or silly. but choosing to walk away when it’s difficult, and choosing to replace that person with someone “new” and “fun” (who will eventually be replaced again when that relationship becomes too difficult as well) is what hurts me so much.
love isn’t going to always be fun. but working TOGETHER through the hard parts is what makes love worth cherishing, and makes a real bond even stronger. giving up is an option that not only is all too common these days, but is actively encouraged on all types of societies and cultures. i do not wish to live without her, and in a world where love is so casually discarded and replaced.
“it may seem juvenile or stupid to die for love, or rather the loss of it. but in my reality, it is the ONLY thing worth living and dying for.”
i couldn’t agree with that more.
You took the words right out of my heart, I’m with you man 🙁
The feeling is horrible, but I don’t blame her for leaving me, she had her reasons and I wish I could have helped her through them, I feel lost in despair, I wanted to die before I met her, she helped me want to live again, but now that she has left I feel twice as much pain then I had before I met her, but I don’t regret a thing, having the feeling of love for that split moment was the best part of my life, and always will be until my death