Escape

The days now drag on. Not getting better. I have 3 weeks they said until I start to. Each day and each thought push me closer to doing it. I’m still wondering why I haven’t. The fear took me over and let me go. My mind doesn’t stop, doesn’t let me rest. It keeps me up and it asks me why I’m letting it suffer. I have no answers. No one does. I guess I’m living on the hope that someone might. That I could actually get better. I doubt it. I highly doubt it. I feel like a freak. Afraid to let anyone know the awful thoughts going through my head about ending my life. Cutting the road short and taking the path to what? Peace, freedom? Escaping my everyday personal hell? Sounds a lot better than staying here. I’d rather suffer somewhere else.. All by myself. All I can do is run to my darkness and not come out. I went to find help and they gave me a gateway out. I told them what I would do and they gave me the tools. What now? Sit and wait for a good time or wait till the suffering finally gets to be too much? I long for answers but I guess they’ll have to wait. Only time will tell.