My birthday is coming on the twelfth. I was thinking about offing myself than. I won’t go into my long sob story, but realistically at this point I’m just making everyone around me miserable and that just makes me feel even worse.
I’ve been in therapy for well over two years now and I have tried numerous medications (which they still want me to keep trying). I talk to people, I tell them what is on my mind and it just doesn’t make me feel better at all. And, but of course, suicide scares the shit out of them.
People don’t know how to help me and I don’t know how to help myself.
If I don’t kill myself on the twelfth of this month I will wait till next year because I am adamant about having my d-day be the same as my birthday.
What’s your story?
16 comments
You can fathom another year, you have a lifetime to try every option out here to improve. What do you mean you can’t prove it to yourself?
@DarkerImagery: You know, there’s something poetic about matching those dates. I get you–how you keep taking the drugs the professionals tell you you must, and you keep talking to the other professionals, following the regimens they tell you you should. And week after month after year no betterment happens. Those around you become dejected eventually. At best, they “say” they’re OK, even as you can see the obvious signs of emotional stress they’re under… At worst, they begin to distance themselves–family, friends, classmates, coworkers–because they can’t let us drag them down with us. They move on with their lives, and their loved ones warn them about us–we’ve now become “irredeemable” and therefore not worth the time or effort.
But yet still we’re counseled to stick around–and surprisingly adamantly by those who, irony of ironies, are around us least often–the ones we see maybe once a week for an hour, the ones paid to be in “therapy,” or the ones who really don’t know us and just meet us in passing. We don’t get better, our support network vanishes, the experts can’t help us, we’re in pain, and things only get worse as we get older, but we should stick around. No one ever tells me, rationally, why that is.
I get it. Or if I don’t, please set me straight.
dont. if you can see yourself surviving another year, then make it a lifetime. things have to get better eventually. and dont worry, therapy does nothing, it made me even worse.
@NothingAmI, that is so it. That’s exactly what happens and I’ve never heard it put quite so succinctly! The one thing I’m struggling with is the fact that I don’t really want to die. I just don’t want to live either. Is that misguided hope, or the annoying “will to live” self-preservation instinct? And how do you get over that? It’s a conundrum I’m struggling with, but I don’t want to, I’ve had enough now.
I’m puzzled with what you mean by, “prove”. Explain, please?
@NothingAmI: Yes, that is it exactly. The biggest scam in America right now is in fact, “Therapy”. And, yet… we can’t really stop them or do anything about it. The person who is depressed really has no rights. It scares me how accepting and easy it is to take/get perscription pills. But, in all fairness without those pills I wouldn’t have a chance of offing myself. So, jokes on them!
@Twister90029: That is an odd place to be. And, I have been there more times than I can count. Really, it feels like purgatory. At least to me it does.
@NothingAmI I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Is it the case that you’d have society do away with therapy and simply tell people that if they want to kill themselves to go ahead and do it? To do away with what does help millions of people? Obviously i’m caricaturing your comment, but it seems like you’re disdaining therapy in regards to everyone simply because it didn’t work for you.
@Scar504: If therapy was soo great… why are so many people still depressed and struggling? I want facts and data supporting your answer.
I’ve no need to provide “facts”, because nothing i’ve said hinges upon statistics. If you’re to claim that therapy has never helped a depressed or suicidal person, then the onus is on you to defend such an outlandish claim; not that i’m accusing anyone of making that claim: only implying it.
No one is forcing you to go to therapy–unless–you’ve been involuantarily admitted, in which case it’s been determined that you’re a detriment to yourself.
@Scar504: Are you a therapist? Are you a success story… seriously, what are you doing here?
@Darkimagery I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but it seems you’re getting angry. I had no intention of arguing and my comment was directed at NothingAmI anyway. I’m sorry if i upset you.
@Scar504: I’m not going to lie, I am a little angry… but, it isn’t all you. I appreciate your apology, and I apologize if it seemed like I was attacking you.
@Darkimagery No, it’s my fault; this is why i don’t like to question peoples’ comments. I don’t want to come off as being mean ): Why are you angry right now?
There’s always a psychological element in all forms of depression. The extent of this and the benefit a person gets from counselling diminishes in clinical depression where pharmacology is more effective.
Medications and therapeutic treatments are not always fully effective because of misdiagnosis or the inability to target the right areas. For example a deficiency in the d1 receptor will result in depressive symptoms yet none of the main antidepressants have an affinity for that pathway. They will instead provide some relief by wallpapering over the cracks and masking the real problem.
There area few people on here that dissect every comment. Several of them literally quote every line giving an individual response to rebut each assertion. They should start an argument on a gambling forum. Gamblers are shrewd and would eat them alive.
TOO TRUE