I tend to hold in my feelings a lot of the time, and that results in giant outbursts of emotion later on.
I thought that when Aly died things would be okay, that I would be ok, but I can see now that they’re not, I’m not.
Alyson was my whole life, the only person I really trusted everything with, and the next person besides her would’ve been Drake, my guy best friend.
Now they’re both gone.
It’s hard to forget the people who walk into your life, even if they walk out of it just as quickly as they came in, because they leave a scar. I only knew Drake for a year before he had to go away to college, and I know I shouldn’t be too upset because hes only twenty minutes away from me, but the last time I saw him, the way he looked at me….it was as if he was giving up his whole world, and I was giving up mine.
I’ve known Aly less, I met her last Febuary, but she was the most important person in my life, my very best friend, which seems weird I know, considering the fact that she was only ten at the time. Still….she was the wisest, kindest, strongest, most trustworthy person on the planet. I’m thoroughly convinced I’ll never find another person like Alyson ever again in my lifetime, she was one in a million. When she died it’s like she took a piece of me with her and now theres just this empty space in my heart where she used to be, and it hurts. There is always a silver lining though, and although she is gone, I’m sure she is up in heaven watching over me.
I have the memories of my two best friends, but it’s not the same. I feel so alone all the time without them to talk to in person. I can talk on the phone with Drake but he’s so busy all the time now wit college, it’s like he’s not the same person anymore, because he isn’t. We used to mean the world to each other and now we barely have time to talk let alone see each other. It sucks when things have to change. Friends move on, they die, they go to college, and they leave you alone to fend for yourself in a cruel world.
I know it’s not Alyson’s fault whatsoever, and it wasn’t Drake’s fault either, but it is my fault that I can’t be happy for them because I’m so upset that I’M feeling alone. Me, me, me, I feel so selfish. I just want my friends back, but they never stay for more then a year or less. No one ever stays, that’s why you can’t get too attacked to someone, because the moment you do they’re gone and your left alone again and again and again, but I never learn my lesson. I think, “this time they’re going to stick around, this time”. But they never do, and I should be realizing that by now. But I’m not, because I hate to be by myself.
One is the loneliest number.
8 comments
“One is the loneliest number.”
So you don’t want to stay being one.
Then delete one from the loneliest, would become
lie 1st.
Also I think “attached” is what you mean, instead of “attacked”. Right ?
After reading this, delete mine.
As to fit your theory, walk in, no attachment, soon walk out, never a scar.
One is in fact the loneliest number. I am right there with you. Death is never quite as easy as it seems now is it. But after successfully preventing the deaths of three of my friends I can tell you that even when they are alive its still not the same. Seeing them change right before your eyes into something you know they are not is truly crushing and demoralizing. I still stand firmly by the fact that everything will get better. Its a simple matter of when and in what way, and not knowing that is what is killing me.
May I ask how Alyson died?
Lazuris
Angle of Death
Alyson had leukemia
Good friends are the most important thing in the world, and if you can find them cherish them cuz you don’t know how long it will last as nothing in this world lasts forever. I’ve had many friends in my life but we always seem to drift apart, but I often wonder about them. I sometimes think friendship isn’t taken as seriously as it used to be, and that’s a great shame I think. There are two quotes about friendship that come to mind though I agree with the 2nd one for various reasons…
‘Friends come and go, but family lasts forever’
‘You can choose your friends, but not your family’
“Every living thing on this earth dies alone.”
-Grandma Death
Donnie Darko
You should remember what a good friend you were to Alyson, take comfort in that.
Not to forget your promise did to a dying girl.
A promise is a promise.
If you don’t ever “try” to keep it,
not even I’d despise you for that,
you’d also haunt yourself as a deceiver for life.
Violet,
call her mother, let her grief of loss of her girl has a channel to release.
Her love her care to her sick girl has though relentlessly halted, but the love in heart is still there to roll, to accumulate, and in pain.
If you feel kind of hesitating, write then, you’re so good at it.
Tell her how you feel, how you’re inspired by her daughter’s mind and her words of wisdom. Let the mother feel proud of being a mother, of having kept her daughter alive these years finally paid off in a valuable way to even touched the world.
Let the mother weep and be in joy of have had the pleasure of having a wonderful daughter.
Although the immobility of her daughter ceased, the spirit of her joy stays.
That’s the message you are to deliver.
The little girl’s wish was not meaning you to really be in place to become the daughter.
What she meant was you “trying” to keep her spirit in hearts of all she cared be in a free and smiling state.
And then you’ll know the road all you see ahead doesn’t mean it just ends there.
There are still road(s) you don’t see hidden around bends.
These old posts are interesting to me. It’s been a year and a half….how are things going now?
I guess suicide isn’t always an impulsive act. It’s sometimes the end result, or culmination of a series of setbacks. It’s what happens after the last straw has been placed on the camel’s back.