Nothing’s working.
I want to stop pretending I’m happy.
I want to stop pretending that I care.
I want them to ACTUALLY notice there’s something wrong, even when I’m wearing my mask.
They’re trying to make me better, but I don’t know if it’s even going to work.
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I actually also have a question.
I’ve heard of suicide with apple seeds. Does anybody have any percentages on this? Like is it actually effective?
7 comments
One thing you said really struck a chord with me. You said that you want others to notice that you are in pain while you are trying to appear different. It seems contradictory, yet I do the same thing as well. (I’m not sure why though)
Could you elaborate on how you’re feeling? What’s got you feeling so bad?
I’m afraid I don’t know anything about apple seeds as a mean for ending one’s life, I’m not sure how that could work. Before you try that though, would you stay on this site a while? I’d be willing to listen, if that would help.
I’m not meaning to make it sound contradictory; I guess what I really just want is somebody to know me so well so that they know when I’m faking it and when I’m not.
That makes sense. Perhaps it can be kind of hard to seek out help. It sounds like you want someone to genuinley care about how you are doing. Do you have anyone you can open up to like that?
Nobody.
My best friends don’t notice, hell, even my girlfriend of three years doesn’t notice. And when she does notice, she gets mad that I’m like this.
That’s not fun. You’d think that someone that cares about you would be sympathetic and understanding to what you’re going through. I’m not sure many people are capable of supporting suicidal people, either because they don’t know how or simply can’t offer the support we need. I’m very sorry that your girlfriend reacts that way, that must be very hard to deal with.
Almost every day that I’m with one of my best friends she tells me to ‘have more energy’ or to ‘be happier’, as if I have a choice in the matter. Just telling someone to change the way they feel won’t work, and that can be hurtful to hear.
I’m confident that you won’t be ignored here, or that anyone will get mad. I just hope that I’m helping out in the little ways I can.
ahhh the mask is the worst… when you want so desperately for someone to ask, someone to care enough to notice that your only smiling with your mouth, not your eyes.
i do the same thing everyday… but you have to let what your feeling show through sooner or later otherwise you will forget that you fell anything at all, and feeling empty is worse, its more terrifying and there never seems to be relief… there are people that care, you just need to trust them enough for them to see the different side of you 🙂
I have a mask of my own, but i dont take it off, i fool myself into being happy….Try it think of anthing good….