Of course

Things were actually going ok.  My meds actually worked, it was the “happiest” I’ve been in years.  But of course, like always, it never lasts.  I’ve been feeling kinda low these past few weeks.  I think I need to up the dose on my meds and if it’s like any of the other meds I’ve tried, then eventually it’ll stop working at all.

Then today I felt depressed.  I had to drag myself to class, I had to force myself to pay attention to the lecture and not just fall apart.  I thought it was bad, but then I come home to find out that my ex-girlfriend has a date.  It’s not even that I’m jealous, I don’t want to be with her and I think we’re much better as friends.  It’s that when she broke up with me, she told me it was because she wasn’t able to be in a relationship at the time, she was just too overwhelmed with everything in her life and felt guilty that she wasn’t able to treat me as well as I deserved.  Apparently all she needed was two months away from me.

It hurts so much.  Especially since she’s the person I’d talk to when I’m feeling depressed, pretty much the only person I feel like I can talk to.  Even worse, my birthday is Friday, and I suspect it’ll be even more shitty than the last one.