They’ll always be there.  Whether they fade away or they don’t, they’ll always be permanently imprinted in your memory, reminding you of past events, that you don’t want to remember.
They’re annoying. You say you’re past that period in your life, the self-destructive agenda you set for yourself. Yet there’s always the reminder, contradicting you every time you glimpse it. And you hide it. Out of shame? You don’t really know. You rationalize it away, but who can’t do that? The real symphont, is the real genius, is the one who can rationalize the truly irrational with rational ways. Impossible? We can’t be certain.
It’s like a malicious man who pops a small child’s balloon with a pin. The rational statement? The man did this…why? Because he didn’t believe the child deserved the balloon? Or because he wanted to inflict emotional or physical pain upon the child? If so, why would he have wanted to inflict pain upon the child? Possibly because the child irritated the man in some way, and popping the object would eliminate this irritation. Basically, eliminating a negative feeling by exerting a negative feeling. Unless the chaos theory ensues, this is generally effective, albeit unpleasant for the victim. The irrational statement? He wants to make the child feel pain. The irrational statement is basically the rational statement without reason or explanation; without it’s ‘rationale’. Specifically, it’s not like the irrational action has a rational explanation to be found, it’s much more simple: there just isn’t one.  The chaos theory in it’s own fucked up way, ripping apart the mind. Ha. That’s why you think one way or the other, not both. Of course, people have irrational tenancies, but some people take the time to rationalize them, while others are incapable of doing so.