My girlfriend and I are breaking up. I went through break ups before I met her. I had friends then. I do not have any friends at this point; I am alone without her. I spent more than two years completely alone due to severe psychological disorders. I have felt what it means to be without anyone, and at this point, I can not handle being alone again. The relationship has not been perfect, but it gave me a life. I was involved with something. I had someone on my side.
Over the past few days the situation has been setting in. I am slowly reverting back to my old self. I am becoming depressed, and I can hardly focus. I have no motivation to work. Â I know what is waiting for me when I get home, and that is absolutely nothing.
I feel selfish for trying to be in a relationship because I have lived so little since the age of 18 I have nothing to contribute to a relationship. What kind of asshole am I to honestly think that I will be healthy enough for a relationship. Â I am paranoid. I believe that a problem could occur, and most of the time I just make it happen on my own accord. I have no friends, which means I have no rational input from any person other than myself. I am not suitable to be a part of any facet of society, so why in the fuck would I think I was suitable for a relationship.
It is only a matter of time before I kill myself. I am going to hang myself correctly this time. I will not be this alone again. I will not give up another person to my mental illness.
5 comments
Not over until it’s over. Unless it’s over then it is.
Suicide isn’t the answer, anthro.
If no one will be your friend, we’ll be. If no one will want to be with you, we’ll be here for you. If you’re feeling down and sad, we’ll help you get through it. Because we care about you and we want to help. Together we can get through it all. 🙂
Duke you are a turd sir. I am not trying to do the she broke up with me /wrists bullshit. I am 24 years old I have hardly existed since the age of 18 because of the shit that goes on in my head. I lost all my friends by the age of 21. My life is fucked. I work two jobs to keep up with rent and old loans. I have no energy to do anything. I do not have a lot of respect in my hometown because I involved myself with the wrong sort of shit. There is some part of my mind that constantly thinks people are plotting against me and talking shit about me. I am fucked. There is a point when existing is futile.
Heyhey, I’m sure Duke didn’t MEAN to be an asshole. He probably just wanted to bring a smile to your face.
But, don’t worry, we’re still here and we’ll help you. 🙂
Didnt mean to be one. So that explains your hostility on chat. I am what I am. No intention at all. Comes natural. If you stick around there, you can talk it over. That often helps. Long live SP chat