Dearest strangers and friends,
Today I called my dad’s girlfriend to pick me up at the crossroad in front of my school since I was feeling down. ( okay, very down. ‘that building is high… the light is red, I could jump in front of…. would I break my neck if….’) When I called her I was still at the bus and I haven’t been in the school building. She picked me up, took me home and called my dad who called my GP. He wil fill in a ‘crisisform’ so I will get a psychiatrist right away.
I’m so happy, but scared as well. What can I expect? Will it work? One of the things what they do is group session… and that makes me even more anxious… Has anyone ever had that, and want to share their experience with me? I may have to be transferred to a hospital/institute, which also stresses me. I know it can help, talk to strangers how you feel and know they know what you mean ( instead of my surrounding right now), but I can’t talk to people face-to-face in a group. I can’t speech. I’m afraid. I’m also afraid of having to get transferred to a hospital/institute. It may be better to be in an environment who are there for you and know how you feel. It may be better to focus on ME now and quit school for a while, but I don’t want to get in trouble later, when interviewers are asking why I have a gap in my C.V. /resume / quit school, and I have too answer that…
I feel so light right now, and I will enjoy this brief moment of total happiness. There may be light at the end of this tunnel, there may be a future, there may be prosper… and… I am so thankful of you guys! You help me through the day, you know? Your kind words, your caring… without you, I would already been dead.
I love you random stranger and friends,
xoxox Dawn
3 comments
Ah, seems like I got a little hooked on comments here tonight.
Just a few for you.
Yes, I have tried hospital, group sessions, and meds. And it is a whole range of options and so it eeds be adjusted to you. And at hospital there is both peace and help. Although there can be some things happening which can sound bad, then my experience is that there is usually a peaceful atmosphere – the more outwards angry people are not at the common places.
In a group session it may help to think that you don’t HAVE to say anything. Often people are more quiet at first and then when they begin to feel comfortable they begin to talk more. And I cannot tell you how often it has happened to me that someone else said what I have so often thought – and said it with the exact same words that I would have used – I am not alone.
About the gap: I sure understand you on that. But it is better to have a smaller gap now than a bigger one for most of your life; I think that is to be kept in mind for now.
And really – as you now know yourself – it is such a great relief to crack the ice. Once through this first step things will not be peanuts – but such a long way to have made it already.
As far as group therapy , don’t talk until you feel comfortable. Just listen. No pressure to talk and the therapist knows that. Be thankful for getting the help you need if your hospitalized. I have been many times. You may need medication , take it. You sound very receptive to receive help and that is great! So many people don’t get the help they need and they suffer for it in the long run. I take a lot if medication, if I didn’t I would be dead. I cant function withouty meds. Never turn down help. Good luck.
Hey Dawn,
Big smile here. I just wanted to tell you the same thing I just told my daughter today. Tell the therapist the truth…no matter how odd it sounds, no matter how scared you are…they are not there to judge you. They can’t help you if you are not honest…with them and most especially with yourself. They may suggest some therapies that you are not comfortable with…don’t get scared or hostile…let them know you are not comfortable or you are upset…just don’t lose control of you. Crying is one thing….throwing things is not…hahaha…I learned that eventually.
My daughter started therapy with a new therapist this morning…and it went even better than I expected. I gave her the same sort of pep talk…but she assured me that this time was different…she asked for the help…it wasn’t forced on her. She was desperate for help in fact.
Also…know that all therapists are not created equal…and yes you can even just simply not like them…but be patient…and if necessary…get a new one…but don’t give up because one person doesn’t have your answers. Understand? You are still so very young…with your whole future ahead of you. You have survived this far against some tough shit. You can make your present and future a world better than your past…but first you have to deal with your past…heal it…and move beyond it.
Try to learn as many new coping skills as possible….and know that I am rooting for you. Sorry it got too much today…but not sorry that it may be the first day of your new life. Sending you loads of positive thoughts and energy. I’ll say it again…you are amazing…you inspire me.
Lots of Love As Always
Ama