Its been about four days since she told me, and its been hell for me. I haven’t eaten anything, and all ive done was just sit around and waste away. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw nothing. Every time I looked into my own eyes, I saw nothing. I felt nothing, so basically was just a walking zombie and that feeling is too familiar to me. All I ever wanted out of this life is love because I haven’t felt that from anyone since i was a kid. It’s sad how I’ve perfected the art of shutting myself down and blocking out all emotions as a defense mechanism because the only way I would find comfort in life is if I did and that is sad. I talked to her in person the other night and showed her what she did made me do to myself, and she was hysterical. She said that she had never seen anything like that before in her entire life and that it broke her heart to know that something she did mad me feel bad enough to the point where I sat somewhere where no one would find me for days and nearly killed her myself. That gives me some kind of hope because now I know that she regrets doing it and that she cares, but it’s sad how the only way I could get her to change her ways is by doing that. It shouldn’t have come to this. So now battling myself and trying not to close up again even though I can slowly feeling it happen (even as I’m typing this). I’m also going against everyone who knows about this because they’ve all told me that I have no reason for being with her and she’s no good for me, but I love her so much that I’m willing to fight and give her another chance. I’m just worried that I’d be making the same mistake again.
2 comments
hi josh, i am in a similar situation idk if you read my story from a few days ago but i know how you feel and it fucking hurts..
josh, ive been where you are man. i had a girlfriend last year who would take me to a level ive never been on happiness and love but the same was true for my depression and anger issues. we had been on about a month break when we had a huge fight on my birthday and i punched through a mirror and nearly cut off my middle finger and almost lost control of my hand. this girl took me back because she was scared when she heard i was in the emergency room and realized how much she “loved” me. although most of my bestfriends told me not to go back to her i did. and you know what happened? she broke up with me within a week even though she promised me that she didnt want to get back together just because of what happened. i was a mess for months but am now somewhat back on my feet. please take my advice and do not be with this girl if what you did is the only way to improve your relationship,surround yourself with family and friends and you will be okay
good luck with your life josh