…

Monday last week my father’s girlfriend picked me up from school. I was wandering around the school building and walking next to the highway… She directly called my dad and he called the GP. I got a talk at a psychiatrist institution, but before I can get therapy there I have to wait till… february or so… FEBRUARY! so now I’m just holding on to SP and checking things out how to feel and maybe check out some drugs/medicine I can use till then… I didnt went to school last week…

tomorrow I’ll have to go… but I don’t want to. My moodswings are too crazy. Yesterday, my mom was gone for a few hours, the asked me if I was okay being alone and stuff… well… I guess not. I started crying like a baby, jelling, beating myself… sitting on the ground hoping to be saved… I went into the kitchen, got a knife, but it wasn’t sharp, so I took scissors… I went to the bathroom and filled up the bathtub. I swear… I thought it was my last bath… I couldn’t feel anything… I couldn’t feel the warmth of the water, couldn’t smell the bathing gel… nothing..

so I went to bed ( it was 17.00h) and I cried myself to sleep. When suddenly, 30 minutes later, my mom came in and asked me I was okay.
I’m so good at lying.
at pokerfacing.