I Can’t Be Saved!

Paul, please print what you have written and take it to the one person you believe you can trust. People who are not in the pain you are in simply cannot imagine it. I understand that what you are feeling is terrible and you may feel hopeless. But there are things that can help you–medicine, therapy, but you have to save yourself by making sure that someone who loves and cares about you understands how dire things are. Unfortunately, I speak from experience. My son killed himself this year, and it has been horrible to have to continue living without him. My son had a good life and many wonderful traits. He was handsome, musical, kind, patient, loyal, and brilliant (really). But he got depressed and this took him down hard and fast. It hurts me so much to see others suffer as he did. The one thing I can say that I think many people don’t think about is this: if the people around you do not understand how bad it is, you HAVE to tell them and you have to be willing to say the words “die” and “suicide.” That was the one thing we were missing. Please ask for help…and please know there are people who care and who will be devastated by your death. DON’T do it.

Thank you. You have given me the best Christmas gift, truly. Hang in there and tomorrow be completely honest with your mom. Tell her how you feel and what you need, and please be open to what she has to say. If you both look at the whole situation as a problem and then attacking the problem, I think things will get easier. Tackle this a few steps at a time, and things will get better and easier. And remember, there are just some very crappy people in the world who say and do insensitive things. I think it might help to guard yourself from listening to mean people. I have learned through my tragedy that people are unpredictable. Some who I thought would be great have basically sucked, and others have been surprisingly good. Protect yourself from the bad, and lean on the good. I am in your court and sending you good wishes. If you need me, I am at my username at gmail.com. Thank you, and take good care. P.S. For now, just be kind to yourself and push those mean comments out of your head. Watch a favorite TV show or read something you like to read. Eat something tasty or take a hot bath. Just baby yourself and remember that tomorrow is another day and a fresh start.