Hey there,
Today my brother talked to me. He’s 36 or something, I’m almost 19. Whe have different dads. I see him once a year if I’m ‘lucky’. ( he lives abroad) I love him, cause he’s my bro, but we are so different…
So when he decided to open his mouth… it came with a shot in my heart. He says I’m spoiled and that I should think of people in Africa, and people who will die for the opportunities I have… That I’m an attentionseeker by saying I wanted to jump of a bridge. He says going to a therapist is stupid and that I have to fix my own shit. That I’m weird because I dont know what I want the future to be like. ( job, house, family blabla) and that I’m a brad for living on my mom her money. Cause when he was 17, he did a full time study, worked 40hours a week and had his own place.
In my defence…. Isn’t it quite normal these days to get money from your parents? That they take care of you when you’re 19? Sure, I do some work 18 hours pro week, but that’s not enough to finance a room. My mom doesnt want me to live on my own because of my unstability. I think… you can not do a full time study and work full time… it’s impossible. ( a studyweek is 40 hours, a workweek same)
What do you guys think? Am I overreacted and a fucked up spoiled ***** or is my brother being irrelevant? Â Right now I feel stupid and lazy and …. even more depressed. Am I such a dumb fuck… should I move out, get a job and study at the same time? Should I have to know what I want from life? Cause truth be told…. I just want it to end. I don’t have a future… and my study… my mom kicked me there because I was too afraid of rejection at Artschool and I think I’m a big failure not good at anything… and he calls that ‘attention seeking’. It’s not. An I am not sorry for myself for being so fucked. I just need help. Why is that weird? To get some help to get things straight again? Why is it weird to ask for help? Why are all the people around me so strong, insensitive and… business-like? Why aint I like that?
I just don’t know… Oh well… Wonder if I’ll ever know what to do without help. My mom didnt want me to get help. My stepmom said to my father I needed help because I was suicidal. He forced my mom. She refused. So he took me to the GP. Why is the world so harsh?
Why can’t we get help if needed? why do we have to be strong and don’t show someone your emotions?
I’m confused. So If you get it…. tell me. please.
<3 dawn
2 comments
No no no. You’re fine. When people reference to people in Africa, that’s a lost argument. That only identifies circumstances; not feelings. And I understand your financial woes, for I’m in a similar spot. Don’t think too much into it. If you compare yourself to others, it’s really not being fair about it. You have no idea how others perceive their situations and so what if someone has it worse? That doesn’t mean that you don’t have it bad.
So I just turned 19 and honestly I never knew what I want to be when I grow up. All my friends always knew that they wanted this and this and this.
But I think you’re both right. Your brother had no right to compare your situation with the children in Africa. We all have it better than in Aftica. Its irrelevant like you said.
I dont know your situation but it’s not normal to get money from your parents as if it was what they had to do. I remember working always in summers. And no one expects you to do 40 hours work. But you have weekend and holidays for example.
My advise,
Be brave! Get help if you need to. Dont be scared of rejection. So what. You’re rejected and then you try again and again and again until you make it. Its just how it is. The world is so cruel place and it isn’t easy.
And I think you’re just as strong as all the people around you. Maybe even a bit stronger. You’re not failure. And if people say so they’re just worried about you. Because they want the best for you and they’re worried that you never reach your best.
And well one more thing. Think that now only way is up. That thus is the down And that it can’t get much worse