IÂ resist the urge to slice at my wrist, i try to fight but i’m losing any strength i had left, im thinking bout running away. Gathering a shit ton of money and just leaving, i hate this town.. this place.. everything about it.
My parents yelling at me for everything, never showing any aprecation, i passed all my first semester classe 86+ and they start yelling cause i owe 1.5 hours to the school and im gonna loose all my credits if i dont complete them, not even congradulating me on my grade. Btw i have till febuary 28 to complete them.
My ex is driving me insane, i’m fighting to stay strong with his daily teasings, i dont wanna appear whorish to anyone, and i dont want him to win, but everything he does is just so damn intoxicating. Fuck him really i hate him so much.. but love him all the more.
School is just as stupid, annoying drama, pointless bull shit, and feeling alone. Sure i have “friends” but their just people i sit with at lunch i laugh with while they joke and if i say anything they all proccede to ignore me..
Really I want to end it, slit my wrist and die… would running away give me the breathing time i need.. or make it worse. Probally worse i suppose. What if i never came back? Would that help, maybe i dont know.
But please bare with me while i exsplain my paranoia. As many of you know i was raped in the past, multiple times by diffrent people, and you know i have my fair amount of scars wheather they be physical or mentally. I’ll walk at night, alone in the hallway, in my house. And i hear the footsteps behind me, i feel their arms reaching to grab me , to take me away. I stop so do the foot prints… i look around but theirs no one there. I always feel like he’s gonna snatch me.. i did.. break his promise. If he wanted he could have just killed me their, or made it worse, or did it for longer. God i wish he just fucking killed me, is that the sick game they get knowing they forever scar you.. that you will never be able to forget him and that you’ll be linked together for the rest of your life.
I’m thinking about telling the entire story from start to finish of what happened in my past, of each time i remember, trying to recall as many details as i can. More for myself, so i can get it out. When ever i get to see my cousulr again i plan on showing her a few of my post, since its the only real record i keep of my daily life anymore since i long gave up on a dairy. To many randomn varibles, it getting stolen.. someone stealing it. Here no one knows who i am, no one can hurt me…
I hope. 
1 comment
Brooklyn,
It aint too often that people encounter a story such as yours, it sickens me to think that he violated you in such a way. Living with that irrational fear that he’s forever lurking in your shadow… well, I understand why you’d have paranoia.
I ran away from home at 15 and I haven’t looked back since. I needed it more than anything since my life was really traumatising at that time. In your case however, I aint sure. If your safety was guaranteed then yeah, but idk.
If you were my daughter and came home with results like that, I’d be immensely proud of you, well I actually am proud since you’ve lasted at school much longer than I did.
A change of scenery will do you a world of wonders. Please, keep posting on here as I look forward to seeing how you go.
P.S I read your bio, especially the part about no one ever loving you. It aint entirely true as I reckon over time you’ll find someone. Look them in the eye, reach into their soul, so when they say the words I LOVE YOU you’ll know exactly where it came from.