Author

BrooklynBoxx

My names Brooklyn, im 15. I'm bisexual and in a relationship. I self harm and have severe depression. I was raped my brother and grandpa and sexually assaulted at school twice. I hate my life, and honestly i don't think anyone could truley love me.

Hi my name is Brooke, I’m 15 with cancer.

by BrooklynBoxx 8/27/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

Abandoned by my mother
Raped by my grandpa
When i told abandoned by my grandmother
Raped by my brother
Abandoned by everyone in my family but my dad
Went to court
Diagnosed with Pseudo seizures
Struggling with depression, anxiety, ptsd, insomnia, cuttingÂ and other mental illness’s

You would thing my life wouldn’t get any worse.

About 3 month ago, I noticed a lump in my upper left abdomen, it hurt but i ignored it.

1 month ago the pain moved to my lower right abdomen.

In my right abdomen I had an ovarian cyst. Nothing bad right?

I told them about pain on my left side. They did a CT scan. And found a mass.

For the last […]

8/27/2013 10 comments

The battle is much harder to fight alone…

by BrooklynBoxx 8/26/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

Depression is surrounding me again, I wanna cut.

I wanna feel something, I feel so numb.

Today is mine and my boyfriends 7 months.

And he’s currently looking at 10-20+ years for dating me.

He’s 21, I’m 15.

I’ve lost my best friend, and haven’t talk to him for a month and a half.

He was my reason for living.. my happiness.

And like everything else in my life it was snatched away.

I need to talk to him.. I’m slipping again.

I might break tonight.. I know if/when he finds out he’ll be so […]

8/26/2013 2 comments

We were happy

by BrooklynBoxx 8/25/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

January 25, 2013 I met the love of my life.

I’m 15, he’s 21. On January 26th we got together, knowing full well what could happen if we were to get caught. But we did research, we looked up laws. We were suppose to be okay as long as two things stood.

We didn’t have sex, and my parents consented..

On March 26th my dad found out the Nick was really 21. He told him he was never to see me again, telling me that even if he consented he […]

8/25/2013 4 comments

If you support me , or need help please subscribe to my channel

by BrooklynBoxx 8/25/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

8/25/2013 1 comment

Before you make a final decision

by BrooklynBoxx 8/25/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

To everyone who is thinking about killing them self tonight.

To everyone who is thinking about cutting them self tonight

To everyone who is thinking about throwing up tonight.

To everyone who is thinking about not eating tonight.

Please. Listen to me. I’m where you are. I’m young. I’m lost. I have no hope. No desire to keep going on.

But your reading this now aren’t you?

Please I know you see a light at the end of the tunnel, I’ve seen it my self for many years. I’m hear on this site because I’m trying to get closer to the light. I want to, deep down in side.

Live.

So please, fight […]

8/25/2013 0 comment

Stuck in the Past.. (I’m back)

by BrooklynBoxx 8/24/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

Is it normalâ€¦ to look in the mirror and not see yourself in the reflection?

Having been so caught up in everyoneâ€™s â€œexpectationâ€ of you. To have completely lost yourself trying to be what everyone else wanted you to be?

Every night you dream of this life, you could NEVER have, but every day you long for it.

You have all these hopesâ€¦ dreamsâ€¦ ideasâ€¦ that you want to fulfill but just not enough time to do so.

Then you go to sleepâ€¦ still having yet to achieve anything extraordinary in your life, waking up in the morning realizing your one day closer to […]

8/24/2013 4 comments

“I’ll Kill You”

by BrooklynBoxx 1/26/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

The pain hurts so bad, my body feels like someones chrushing it, and i can barley breath. Once again im alone, depressed, and with many sharp objects all i have to choose. But i sit on my bed staring at the clock whispering one more minute as his voice screams in my head “it’s our secret”…..”you better keep it”

“Or i’ll kill you” i wanna scream fun back to my friends, but i’ve gone home for that night and again im alone, the pain is just to much as flashbacks push there way into my head. My heads throbbing and im shaking, it feels like someones […]

1/26/2013 3 comments

I don’t feel safe anywhere else..

by BrooklynBoxx 1/24/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

The only place i really feel safe anymore is church, my friend andrew begged me for MONTHS to go with him and i caved in having given up on religion a long time ago.

Where was god when i got raped? Where was he when i asked for forgivness? To get past these feelings, to fight depression?

So i started going and i’ve started talking to a lady named candice, shes nice and is one of the youth counsulurs there. She knows a bit about my past, but i havent said much.. i’m scared their all gonna abandon me still. My trust, its so hard to earn.. […]

1/24/2013 5 comments

Blue eyes

by BrooklynBoxx 1/19/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

And into the world stared these gleaming blue eyes

Which she saw past its dimension and only despised

This beauty she portrayed everyone hadÂ seen

But disguised sadness she made it serene

The greatest flaw that hadÂ filled her heart

Perfection only the beginning, just the start

WithÂ blonde stringy hairÂ she curled her hand into a fist

Glass mirror she had feared,Â now stareing at her wrist

The pale white skin was now deep within herÂ reflection

An enemy she had seen, with this girl had no connection

TearsÂ streamed down and began to hit the sink

Matched the blood that seeped nowÂ combining to pink

Cutting she thought was her only escape

From the horridÂ memory of her Elusive rape

The outer […]

1/19/2013 7 comments

A little piece of me…

by BrooklynBoxx 1/19/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

You forced yourself on me, along with your touch.

I pleaded for you to stop,Â but you still wouldnâ€™t get off.

I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I wereÂ somewhere else.

Wishing someone had been here to help.

But I was on myÂ own, with you as company.

You were supposed to have been taking care ofÂ me.

I guess in your own way, you did…

As a child, I figured IÂ must’ve done something wrong to deserve this.

I must have misbehaved.

To have been punished this way.

SinceÂ then, time has passed

But I can still feel your cold lips,

And the roughÂ touch of your hands

Why did you do this to me?

I wanted to […]

1/19/2013 4 comments

Our little secret… “YOU BETTER KEEP IT

by BrooklynBoxx 1/19/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

There was a chill in the wind that night, one like no other.

The darknessÂ made it hard for sight, but I knew itÂ was my Â brother.

The strength ofÂ his grip, the frame of his stature;

As he grabbed my hips, before IÂ knew it I was captured.

My throat went dry, I couldn’t scream.

I triedÂ and tried, but the harder it seemed.

Next thing I knew, an unfamiliarÂ place; unsure of what to do, clothes were disappearing at fast pace.

MyÂ face turned white, I couldn’t shift.

Frozen in fright, thinking did IÂ deserve this?

Down my cheek, the first tear rolls.

As heÂ proceeds, my mouth he holds.

“Our little secret” he whispered […]

1/19/2013 3 comments

The price of Rape

by BrooklynBoxx 1/19/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

Closed are my tired eyes

Gracefully the tears fall

As i begin to lose it all

I takeÂ a shot of whiskey

As my headÂ begins to race

TheÂ cigarette is still burning

The sweet smoke is all I can taste

My body isÂ going numb

No longerÂ can iÂ feel my toes

All i can see our my tears

As they fall onto my breast

There are scratches and driedÂ blood

Pretty purpled bruises decorateÂ my chest

LipstickÂ smeared and hair full of knots

I shove more pills in my mouth

Chasing it with three more shots

My body is beyond broken my mind completelyÂ lost

A lesson […]

1/19/2013 10 comments

Broken Wings

by BrooklynBoxx 1/18/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

She has nothing left to say
Her beautiful wings torn away
Face streaked with tears
Screams falling on deaf ears
Worn from her daily days
Seeking new ways to escape the pain
Standing in the rain
Screaming at the sky
Thinking about all the ways she can die
She’ll have a smile on her face
Her words laced with lies
Slowly she’ll break off all ties
She wants nothing else to hold her to this world
Life seeping from her eyes
Laying on the ground
She’ll paint a pictureÂ withÂ her blood
Telling a story of all the […]

1/18/2013 2 comments

Suicide Awareness Video.. FML

by BrooklynBoxx 1/17/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

go to school, and the first thing we start watching is a suicide awareness video, none of the kids are taking it seriously i just wanna scream, they dont get shit. I hate all of this, fuck it all, i have my razor on me, i wanna just fucking cut hit a vien and just die. No one ever gets it.

1/17/2013 3 comments

Only once..

by BrooklynBoxx 1/14/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

I only shall his once today, i didnt go any where near the cafeteria and chilled in the liabary all morning. I took really odd and out of the way routes to all my classes to make it easier on myself, i only shall him once after school. It was the only way out of the science building and there he stood waiting for his girlfriend i bit my lip as i walked past his friend cody spotting me grabbing my arm saying something i couldnt understand. I shook his arm off quickly and ran off, looking long enough to see tanner looking at me […]

1/14/2013 2 comments

Tanner you broke me. You win.

by BrooklynBoxx 1/13/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

Lucky him he’s moved onto a new girl i should be happy, but its only to ironic. Tanners new girlfriend is Ryanne, ive been talking to her ex dylan. She said i’d look cute with him but even though i like him i dont wanna date him, one because i wanted to give them both time to heal, and because of the fact i dont wanna date anyone cause im still not over tanner, i dont wanna use anyone as a rebound.

It’s not fair i hate all of them all this fucked up shit, i wonder if tanner knows those more recent scars on my […]

1/13/2013 1 comment

Should i tell the truth of what took six years to figure out.. My story

by BrooklynBoxx 1/12/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

IÂ resist the urge to slice at my wrist, i try to fight but i’m losing any strength i had left, im thinking bout running away. Gathering a shit ton of money and just leaving, i hate this town.. this place.. everything about it.

My parents yelling at me for everything, never showing any aprecation, i passed all my first semester classe 86+ and they start yelling cause i owe 1.5 hours to the school and im gonna loose all my credits if i dont complete them, not even congradulating me on my grade. Btw i have till febuary 28 to complete them.

My ex is driving me […]

1/12/2013 1 comment

To hide the pain, the feelings, the urge to slice at my own skin.

by BrooklynBoxx 1/10/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

IÂ sit there in the cafeteria

He sits on the floor he’s talking i cant hear him, my visions bluring black around the edges

I’m brought back because of an intense pain from my hand, my ex boyfriend yet again had bit me, i know he just flirting… that he’s only using me..

I smile laughing telling him it doesnt hurt, he doesnt realise he saved me from another embaressing seizure, he smiles biting my harder i ignore it typing on the computer with my left hand as i try to complete a school project. He lets go and we sit their for a while. I feel him bite […]

1/10/2013 6 comments

Daily school life

by BrooklynBoxx 1/9/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

I sat in the cafeteria at school this morning waiting for school to start, i was at a table all to myself and i kept looking at my phone, no one was texting me but i wanted to look like i had some friends you know..

After about 20 minutes a boy looks over at me his table is overflowing with his friends and asks “are you lonely? i think your lonely”

I laughed and said “no they’ll be here soon, their bus is just running a bit late”

I turned around and whispered ” they’ll never be here.. cause i dont have any..”

After me and Tanner broke […]

1/9/2013 5 comments

My past. What i remembered of it anyways.

by BrooklynBoxx 1/8/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

I cant stop shaking as the thunder rolls on, i try to breath but i feel like my throats closingÂ my eyes are on fire as i try to keep my self from crying as i count to 10.

My past races threw my mind and i try to fight the memories i hold my hands over my head “im sorry im sorry” i scream “no more no more” The kids in class are staring but i dont care anymore, im no longerÂ in class . I’m in my brothers room, he presses his hands agaist my chest and kisses my face, i whimper begging him to stop. […]

1/8/2013 5 comments

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