i now have a girlfriend and yes she’s great. i think we started things too fast though, i don’t feel she knows enough about me to actually love me, although that’s kinda how i’d rather keep it. i mean, if she knew everything about me i know she wouldn’t ever want me the way she wants me now.
she has tried to make me promise i’ll stop hurting myself, i’ll start eating, i’ll smile more, and i promised her i’d try. but to be honest i think i’m addicted to this life. i’m comfortable with the feelings of self hatred and loathing, no matter how bad i’d like to change, these feelings have become my norm.
when i’m with her, for about maybe a few minutes, i don’t want to kill myself, but shortly after those thoughts come right back to me.
how could she love me? how could anybody? i’m not good enough, nor will i ever be. i should save her from me eventually fucking things up like i always do and kill myself. its the only way out.
i’m going to research some suicide methods.. if anybody would like to comment and share some with me please do.
4 comments
Hey b1urr
I have one peice of advice to give, your girlfriend, loves you not your past, real love is about accepting your past yes, but it is about being in the present and loving you for you, which if she knows about the self harm and the depression she must. You must love yourself or no matter what it wont work, trust me, I know. Loving yourself, as well as your girlfriend is important, enjoy this, because love is happy. :). Please dont kill yourself, it would be a shame.
she’s pretty great, but i dont want to hurt her and i’m afraid that i might just because im so fucked up.
thank you though, hope you have a great life x
Though she has not seen it all, she certainly had seen enough. And she’s still around isn’t she?
Suicide isn’t the answer. Deep down, you know that it isn’t, either.
Let her help you. Don’t push her away.
You are more than good enough.
You are strong.
You are beautiful. Inside and out.
Fight your thoughts. You deserve this happiness.
Talk to a professional or simply someone you trust about these feelings you have.
Don’t continously live life like this okay? For you deserve so much more of what life has to offer.
I love you.
thank you. you’re kind. but for some reason, no matter how many people say these things to me i still feel the same.
hope you have a great life x