Hi. My name’s Shelby. I’m only 14, and in a few months I’ll be 15, but it seems like life has nothing for me. Nothing I want at least. Things are changing. Things that mean the world to me. Things like my family and friends. In just the past few months, this is everything that’s happened:

• My dad. Some people may or may not find it abuse. However, I find slapping and pushing around abuse. Not to mention the cruel things he does and the way he puts me down. My mom takes his side. All the time. “It’s because he’s been through a lot, Shelby. It’s all he knows.” Now, I will have enough sense to say that it is my fault sometimes. I threaten my brother, and he slaps me. It’s what my dad’s parents use to do. And it’s how he treats me. I, and correct me if I’m wrong, think that I should not have to deal with it. I didn’t hit him, so I should not have been hit. He pushes me around because I tell him no father should have the right to get into his daughter’s face the way he does and put her down worse than her bullies at school. I tell him he’s nothing like a real father. And in this, he pushes me around. Into walls, tables, and even pushes me hard enough to make me fall. Now, like I said, I feel I deserve this sometimes, but other times, I really do just speak my mind, I keep calm, and I’m not really disrespectful, but due to his ‘chemical imbalance’ that makes  his depressed, he loses his temper a lot. And very easily. My family is falling apart. All we do is fight. Sometimes I’m involved, sometimes not. But my dad always is. I feel like he’s ruining us.
• I just recently found the perfect guy for me. Yeah, I’m young, I know. (: But he’s…he’s not like other guys. He listens, he doesn’t ask for much, he brings me candy, and spends the little bit of money he does have on buying me chocolate when I’m upset, even if it’s not his fault. He holds me, and shows me off to everyone, making me feel important for the first time in my life. He’s really cute, if I must say so myself. And he’s funny. First person capable of making me laugh in a while. And hey, what do you know, it’s not fake. But lately, I’ve been so upset with life, that I don’t even want him anymore. I get so tired of him easily. I push him away a lot, and I can see what it’s doing to him. I cry because I upset him so easily, and I try and talk to him about what’s going on in life, but the last thing I want is to be a little ‘cry baby’ because he is older. I know he won’t react like that, but I can’t do it to him. Put more problems on his plate than usual. So I talk to him, but I don’t let out the full extent of the pain it’s causing. So I just back off. Stay in my own space, and let him have his own. But it’s really hurting me and I don’t know how to fix it.
• Lastly, my friends. I won’t go into much detail with this one, but yeah. I don’t like any of them anymore. They talk bad about me behind my back. And I can’t stand it anymore. I just want them out of my life. However, I can’t lose the people I’ve known since we were in diapers. So… That’s all I have to say on that subject. People change, and I can’t deal with it.

Now, I’ve left out the rumors being spread about me. And I left out the self esteem problems I’m having. And I’ve left out a lot, but this is long enough, and I don’t want to go on ranting about nothing, you know? So I’m done. I just needed to get it off of my mind. Thanks for listening. <3