So, I went for a hike today after work and found this spot, its so beautiful. I think that had I had the freedom I would have jumped. But there is still some busness for me to finsih before I am able. There is some family debt I want to clear, some things I need to make sure are to the proper owners and I need to file my tax’s so that my family can have the funds. 🙂 But all in all my plan is going great so much.
One month
Two days
Then the pain is over.
How could it be
This land of make believe
Slowly it falls apart
brings us to our knees
a head starts to swirl
the pit of a stomach drops
the heart breaks as it beats
almost through the wound
The world smudges
ripping slowly at the seems
all this chaos
darkness
sorrow
and
Self Loath
But in reality
in the grand scheme of things
its noted
its seen
That truly all this pain
Is actually the dream
2 comments
Damagedgoods, why choose such a painful method (jumping)?
Make sure it’s high enough. 150+ feet over land, 250+ feet over water. You’re in for a bad time otherwise. Try not to land in soft dirt.
To be honest, it sounds like you may not be fully ready though. Placing a suicide attempt in the future indicates ambivalence. Your family would rather have you alive than your funds, so if they matter to you, seeking solutions to your problems is probably a better idea than continuing to contemplate suicide.
Pretending there may be a simpler (simpler is used loosely. Suicide isn’t easy.) way out of your problems just prevents you from actually fixing anything. Suicide is freedom from both good and bad, but suicidal ideation is just a cage.