I’m back, with a lot of anger!

I went from not wanting to commit suicide, to going back to my original plan of killing myself in five years if life doesn’t get better. So now, regardless of what happens till then, the time bommb is ticking. If life gets better, the bomb stops counting down. If it gets worse, the fuse detonates. I’ll be 32 by then. Actually since I’ll be 28 in August, I’ll be 33 if I die in August in five years.

In any case, we’ll see what happens. I want life to get better and I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore. Life gets better for some and not for others. Let’s hope I can get myself on track so my eye is fixed, or removed depending on the situation, so I can live a good life. Since I have two grandparents who I loathe now, they’ll be dead soon and I may not need to kill myself after all. In fact if I just avoid them altogether, that’s one of my problems solved. Ony thing is they try to come into my life and cause more shit. I hope they die sooner than they should so I won’t have to go in five years.

I don’t want to satisfy those who hate me by my death, I don’t want to let anyone down. However, I’ve decided that Number One is more important now. Forget about what others think, how about considering what I think and how I feel for once? most people are really on this earth for themselves, I am one of them.

It just means that when I’m gone in five years, or when I get old, I won’t have to be considerate of others when it comes to what decisions I make in my life. If I was deciding what to do for the person next to me, I’d have to be considerate. But when it comes to my own life, I will do what I wish, when I wish. The people who want to think I’m selfish are clearly not living my life are they? So up their nose. If it’s ok for them to jump up and down and say boo when their decisions are being made for them, then they shouldn’t tell me to stop being selfish. It’s my life, I have rights!