I’m 17 years old and one of my sisters is 19. We are completely opposite and have both made choices which have determined our futures.
When she was 17 she was kicked out of our house. Prior to this she had done drugs, drank, partied, snuck out, gotten pregnant and lost the baby more than once, got arrested, stole, lied, cheated, and failed most of her classes. It was rough living with her, I always thought things would be better without her, but after she was no longer allowed in our family I missed her more than anything. Not who she was when she left, but the person she had been before, my best friend.
I’ve been in honor classes since the 7th grade, my teachers always love me, I’m obedient yet I know when to stand up for myself. I have no desire to do drugs, party, sneak out, or drink. I love kids and I love helping others, I always put everyone else before myself. I’m also very stubborn and I have control issues which can be wrapped up with my anxiety and eating disorder. I stay out of trouble and don’t have a problem telling people no.
As kids, we were extremely close because I’m a natural leader and she’s a natural follower. She was older than me, but what I lacked in age I made up for in personality. It was almost like she looked to me, even though I was a year and a half younger. When she started making bad choices, she hurt me a lot and instead of acknowledge the pain, I shut her out completely. Last October she sent me a message on facebook asking if we could be in each other’s lives again. I missed her so much, so I agreed and are working on slowly rebuilding our relationship, which is going well. However, she’s pregnant, 35 weeks along today. She has really no other family support, so I’m determined to be there for her whenever she needs me. Like I said, I’m only 17 though, and the support she needs is tough to keep up with. The other day we discussed babysitting, after she has the baby she wants me to babysit 5 days a week from 4pm to 1am. I didn’t tell her no, I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t going to be there for her. That’s a lot though, I’m a senior in high school, babysitting from 4 to 1 is kind of like having my own baby, and there’s a reason I don’t. To make it worse, in August I’m going to college and she wants to follow me there, get an apartment nearby, just so I can help her. I’m thrilled she wants me in her life, it’s just a lot. The baby’s dad isn’t in the picture anymore, and she’s acting like it’s my job to fill that role. I have even agreed to stay with her for a few weeks after the baby is born so she won’t have to take care of him overnight by herself. I honestly feel right now like I am going to be a mom next month. I love my sister and I’m scared that she won’t be able to handle the baby on her own, I feel like I owe it to her to help her raise the baby if that’s what she wants. My friends and teachers keep telling me that I’m punishing myself for her actions. They say I can’t do this to myself, I need to set boundaries, but I’m so scared of losing my sister again, that I can’t. I said no on prom night when my date wanted to sleep with me, I’ve always told guys no, but yet I’m still going to end up raising a baby my senior year of high school. It doesn’t seem fair, but I just want to give this baby the best life possible, and if that means giving up part of mine, maybe it’s worth it. My sister needs me, no matter how many people tell me she’s being manipulative, it doesn’t change how badly I want to help her out.
2 comments
You’re a really good person for helping to take care of your sister’s baby and sacrificing your prom etc. Is there any way that your parents can take care of her baby on the night of your prom? I mean you shouldn’t be expected to give up everything just because your sister is having a baby.
Hello, mysmilecoversalot.
I have read your post.
I honestly think you are very caring toward your sister despite what she had done. And it is amazing that you stand up for yourself and say no to things that might bring about serious consequences.
Although when you were young, you were considered as a natural leader and she was considered as a natural follower, she can’t follow you forever. She is older than you, she needs to have an independent life.
I know you care lots about her and feel sorry for her, you have to admit, it was her choice. No one else chose it for her. So you don’t have to feel responsible for her cause. The thing is, she needs to grow up. She’s already an adult. She needs to learn to be more responsible and independent.
Also, concerning the babysitting 5 days a week from 4pm to 1am, I believe you should say no to it or make the babysitting time shorter. It’s not that you’re not being there for her, but it’s that she’s taking away your life and memories because of her choice. Senior year in high school is a very important year. Not only because of studies, but it’s your last year in high school for memories. Your high school life and memories will not come back to you. Time never goes backwards. She shouldn’t take your life away, that wouldn’t be “considerate” of her. It seems like you care for her more than she does. Why don’t you propose to your sister to get other people taking turns on babysitting your nephew/niece?
Following you to college so she can receive your help is really inconsiderate of her too. She’s trying to bound you to her cause for the rest of your life. That just isn’t fair. Even though you’re her sister, she has no right to constantly heavily rely on you and take your life away EVEN in college.
I don’t think her goal is to have you back in her life, but to have support because the baby’s father no longer supports the baby. It is NOT your responsibility to fill his role; you should clearly tell your sister that.
I know you care about her a lot, and you don’t want to lose her. But, you have to also think for yourself. Don’t let her drag you down with her. You should tell her you need your privacy and life too. You don’t owe it to her to raise the baby. It is not your responsibility to give the baby its best life. You didn’t do anything. And your sister shouldn’t be taking advantage of relationships.
Like your friends and teachers said, you really need to set boundaries. I guarantee, she WILL drag you down with her.
Lastly, if you truly want to help her, you shouldn’t just give in to every request she makes. That only makes her want to use you more and rely on you more if she’s manipulative. Instead, if you want to help her and her baby, you should teach her how to be more responsible and independent. Set your boundaries. And as she settles down, you should slowly help her less. Your sister should learn that everything comes with a price and consequence. Your sister seems to be trying to avoid the price she has to pay by dragging you in to help pay the price. She needs to mature, and learn that the world doesn’t always revolve around her. You should help her become an independent adult. Because it seems you are more of a responsible person than she is. The best is to help her become a responsible mother who can take good care of her baby. Then it will benefit both your sister and her baby.
Good luck with your pregnant sister. I hope I helped at least a bit. Tell me how it goes.
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Amarante.