suicide is an answer. to a lot of questions and problems. i dont pretend to know yours just like you dont know mine. but all of these problems that we face are chaotic at best. people die everyday because of problems to big to over come. what makes us special? nothing. were lucky. a genetic lottery wound us up on the other side of this magic screen run off of a coded stream of energy. im sitting in comfort, are you. it doesnt matter that we were given these things or if we took em. we are living in a world with no blatant goal in mind, just to survive. and to enjoy as much as we can of it. why not enjoy technology, our family, our friends, ourselves… i know why i cant. i have a chemical imbalance that puts my mood on the downslide. most of u know it as depression. so im supposed to enjoy a life in a body that is designed to always not enjoy it. sounds like a constant struggle to keep my mood lifted. and when u get depressed about having to fight with depression? well thats like a fucking circle. so im spinnin while hurtling down the tracks at time speed. whats the point? sounds like a rollercoaster ride that is never garenteed it wont run right into the ground. or rise to the highest elevation. who the fuck knows. but ill tell you one thing. i choose to live. if death is the only equalizer, than its comin anyway. the only thing stopping me is myself. constantly getting in my own way. so it comes down to a choice. can you rise every morning, one by one, and choose to fight? cause thats all it takes. an active mind. a mind set on total self preservation. to live for the next laugh. for the next conversation. can u choose to take your surroundings. your walls, your friends, your memories and use them as fuel?
i choose to live
because i can choose to live for something
because if i get one life
why not use it
and i, me, the soul in me is affected by my body, by my gene inheritance, by my upraising, by my surroundings, by my depression
then fuck it, lets do this thing called life.
2 comments
Now I might not know all about depressed people,
But reading & following this site for quite a long time, one thing is getting crystal clearer and solid to me:
Depressed people often, ironically and ‘fortunately’,
Seems to have this uncanny, special gifts/ability at writing, expressing and pondering the most deeper meanings and atoms about Life.
Just like this raw, yet true, sincere and deep writing,
Believe it or not,
You have just left a History, for perhaps the next generations to see, ur writing forever floating in the vast tangleds of Net virtual world.
Leaver more, I say, keep creating more. Keep living.
You are worthy.
its good you choose daily to fight to live, you should….you will die someday, but dont let it be today or any day by your own doing. suicide isnt an answer. it leaves questions and fear and hurt and despair behind. it solves nothing….trust me…ive seen it…