I’m stressed. I’m crying. I’m a fucking loser like always. damnit. now why did haliey have to come into my life and make me fall in love. and why did alex have to come in and make me love him too. and then why did hayliey have to leave. and then why does alex have to leave. WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO LEAVE??? is it amusing to see me cry. it prolly is. damnit. I’m just a stupid emo who likes girls and guys and has a strange fear of men in bunny suits (don’t ask) who thinks of dying like it’s a hobby, who cuts like it’s an after school activity, who starves herself to bones and then eats the world after, who constantly has horrible thoughts of genecide and suicide, I’m just a stupid girl named jacqueline elise. who is worth nothing.
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stupid stupid girl you thought you could amount to something. thought you could be someone, you make me want to spit! you ******. you lousy excuse for a homosapien! your a fucking *****. and FAT. fat Fat FAt FAT. FAT LIKE THE DAMN MOON. you ugly whore. you urchin.
you ****. slut. *****. fat. ugly. sleaze. pimp. ******. douche.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY CONSCIENCE!”
but jacqueline isn’t it fun to ruin yourself. watch yourself slowly crumble, brick by brick by damn brick? watch all those walls get higher and higher as you unravel the very foundation you stand on. and eventually you’ll find your self on the edge. and then whoosh, you fall down. your fat self just like humpty dumpty, had a great fall. now…would you rather face up towards the sky when falling so you have no idea when the end is coming, and just sit back and enjoy your last breath. or. would like to face the ground, knowing the very exact moment your doom awaits… If it were me. I’d push you off and see which way you tumbled. but I am your conscience so, I guess I`d die as well.
“shut your smart ass mouth up you ***** and leave me alone leave me, you make me a fool, talking to you, people think i’m fighting myself, people think i tell myself to shut up. you fucker, get out of my head. I want a new conscience. your a lousy one..”
oh jacqueline….which way to fall???
how about up…no down….no reverse. up. i’d fall up. now please leave my head.
10 comments
i dont know what to say such a buteyful girl thinking thorts like this jacqueline thers know need the walls of the fucking world may come down arawnd you yes brick by brick but i promis i will help you stop them falling freez the falling bricks in the air rebild them and i promis i whont leve like the rest of them i will be here emo relely thats how low thay have sunk to call you that you know your wining right that your takeing the pane and tosing it away to such an exstent that ther guns are runing dry and you have yet to fire yours you have yet to show them wong to shout i am buteyful from the tallist billding you can find and you whont feel the need to jump cos you will have AT LEEST me holding your hand and the hope of us all with you
love you xx
Please don’t do anything rash 🙁 Although I’m not, or have not, experienced anything you’ve felt between Hailey and Alex, I can relate to your conscious. Society has ruined just about every girl’s mind with the idea that we all have to look a certain way to be beautiful. Even though I myself think I’m fat and ugly, I’m slowly starting to build up self-esteem. And yeah, I used to be “Emo” and used to cut myself, but what’s the point? Although I do admit that inflicting self-harm on ourselves when we’re depressed feels good, but the after effects (covering up the scars and explaining to those that saw it) is worse :/ Just one month ago, the closest person to me left me, and I felt like I couldn’t live anymore. Turns out, she was a backstabber, but anyways that’s not the point. The point is, there’s always a reason behind everything, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for this. The fact that those two “left” just shows that they’re not good people. In the future you’ll find trust-worthy people and people who are better than them, so don’t feel depressed 🙂 Cheer up, eat some chocolate, it’ll make you feel better (and who cares about weight?) If you’re really that concerned about it, just go on a diet and exercise. Easier said than done though >.> anywho, I’m here for you if you ever need someone to talk/listen 🙂
@why i dont kno, you seriously are now like my brother idc if you don’t want me to be your sister what with I “talk to myself” (when in reality it is merely my head has made another being who constantly jabbers in my head that I talk to.) so ummmmm ily bro heehee <3
@soroxen
Haliey and alex are/did move and I love them both and haliey was my gf until she moved and I never heard from her again and alex….sigh…alex is getting into drugs, so i have to trick my head to forget him…it's a painful affair but a nesicary one. and all the while i have this voice in my head degrading me.
Ah drugs. How I hate them -.- they always ruin a good person. Bah! Anyways, that degrading voice, is just your self esteem. Try to do things that make you feel good, like buying a new shirt or even just doing what you love. If there’s anything that you don’t like about yourself right now, change it. Because the longer you prolong your unhappiness, the stronger and louder the voice gets. I hope you don’t do anything rash! Good luck with everything 🙂
i can’t change what I don’t like about myself without killing myself.
your conscience is a jerk and needs to die. you are not as fat as the moon. you are as beautiful as the moon. thats saying something because it is the most beautiful thing in exsistance and takes my breath away every time i look at it. you will find your soul mate and they will be very lucky to have you in their life.
Are you sure about that? Killing yourself would be the “easy” way to change anything. Changing yourself the “hard” way is what nobody wants to do, but it’s always the most rewarding part. I’m 1,000,000% sure that if you take it step by step, little by little, to make an effort and truly change yourself, you’ll be the happiest person alive c:
but what if i want to change the fact that I am alive eh? what’s your answer to that one eh?
LOL guess I got no answer to that xD It’s your decision if you want to end your life or not, but I really hope you don’t 🙁 there’s still a lot of things left in the world to explore and there’s still hope and promise in the future. If you really do hate your life that much, why not start anew? By that I don’t mean killing yourself and starting off as a newborn, but by doing a complete makeover? Then again, this is your decision and opinion, I’m out of line to be telling you what to do lol. Well good luck in the future I guess? Just know, that everybody on this site it with you, not against you. 🙂
Im in the same boat so I have nothing good to say, other than you are not alone. I look in the mirror and spit on it. I put a mask on every day at work and crawl in a ball at home while my head talks crazy shit like yours. That is why i was so intrigued by your post. It reminds me of my journal entries. It is so dark upstairs sometimes that I just don’t fucking get it. I was also in love twice and they both left. WTF. Anyways if I have to keep fighting you do too. You know why, because I think we are the ones that can handle this shit. The other “normal” people would fucking die in two minutes if they lived in our heads. I work as a counselor so I have to put my mask on and stick it out for the few people I help each day and fall apart at home. I just hope one day, my sick mind stops and I find peace. But it is getting harder each day. We all want to hit the reset button. I know I would hit it with a sludge hammer if I could. I have been out of my last hospitalization for 5 months. No big feat but to be honest no matter how far down I go I am never going back inside. Stay strong, fuck everybody else. You are hurting, and you are worth not hurting anymore. Maybe we will meet people that will take care of us one day. hopefuly soon!