Hey there… I am a 19 year-old female, these are my thoughts… need to get them out…
I want to talk or scream , but my vocal cords refuse.
I want to cry, but my eyes stay dry.
I want to run, but my legs won’t move.
It’s so frustrating. I want to be heard, but I am afraid of talking. Afraid of opening my mouth.
Afraid of rejection, Afraid of people.
I suck at being alone. But I suck at being with people.
I need them. I push them away.
I need to be heard
to be held
to be loved
maybe people love me, but this box I made… these walls… they are too thick. I can hear them say it, but it can not reach my heart.
I just hate myself… I hate my head. ( my thoughts, my brain), my body… everything. And I think I should have moved on from being a ‘kid’ to ‘grown up’… guess not. (being done with puberty…)
I am so confused with everything… I need rest in my head. But I need to go to school, do homework, do my student job… and I can barely sleep.
sometimes my brains shockes me. I have this amazingly cute cat, but somehow I wanted to strangle her. my brain does these things often. maybe it’s stress. or… I don’t know. Maybe it’s my brain telling me I have to vent… to let all shit out… and my brain chooses a freaky way.
thank you for reading…
lots of love,
Dawn