I’m sorry… How royally fucked up is this country, that the same people who allowed me to be raped repeatedly for seven years, to the point I had a child, could have the audacity to look me in the eyes and say they can’t help me? Really?! Do you have any idea how many times I tried to tell people what was happening, only to be called a liar? And now, the bastard draws a disability check for being bipolar (no shit). That’s not a lot of money, but it’s $700 a month while my son and I have NOTHING. His class Easter party was Thursday, and I pulled him from the party. Why? Because each student had to bring six plastic eggs filled with candy. Those eggs cost 99¢. I couldn’t afford it, and I didn’t want anyone to know. My rent is $200, and this bastard’s rent is $100, which includes utilities. It’s because the family pulled together and helped him get the house. They all abandoned me after I filed charges. My light bill is $150 on average, and my water bill is $50. I have job applications in everywhere, but I’ve already had to turn down two jobs because I can’t find anyone to watch my son. I don’t have the money to move to a bigger town, or start any home businesses. I was always in the ER and hospital for some odd injury from the abuse, which has ruined my credit score. No hope for a loan. By the way, did I mention that he always threatened my life if I ever told anyone? The same week I filed for an EPO, our house burned down. Fire Marshall said it was a deep freezer, but you will never convince me that anything caused that fire except revenge and promised threats. I happen to also be the only one home at the time. Oh, coincidences… Yeah, I don’t think so. We were homeless. My aunt and uncle helped get us in this house, but then abandoned me completely because I wasn’t getting a job. (Again… They made it pretty clear they weren’t going to babysit, so what was I supposed to do?) Craigslist was useless in finding any sitters. My son’s dear old dad goes to the casino every month with the family, and blows his money. Truth. And the biggest kicker of this whole story? You know what I have to do to pay bills? I have to find men who will do what he did, only pay me for it. There are no other options. Thank God my son goes to school for three short hours a day, or we would be homeless. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to do it when he’s here. I usually make enough to scrape by, owing just $15 or $25 here and there. We have no phone, no Internet, no cable, nothing. It’s strictly just lights and water. This bastard has a big flat screen, a smart phone, Internet, a computer, Internet on both phone AND computer, and fucking Netflix. He’s probably sitting on thousands of dollars in game consoles, blu-ray players, games, movies… We have some VHS tapes and local tv. And that’s okay. I’m not one for materialism, but look at this point I’m trying to make. Since losing my job from moving after the fire, social services tells me that I qualify for NOTHING until I’m in compliance with child support. We spend seven months trying to set up this stupid test, three more weeks to get the results, and then I’m told to take them to the social security office. “Everything will be fine!” they say. “You can get some help, and get child support!” You know what they told me at the office? “He didn’t work enough, and doesn’t draw enough, for us to take any money from him to pay child support.” I go back to the child support office, bawling, exhausted… And I’m met with this: “The best thing you can do for yourself and that little boy is to move as far as away as possible, and don’t tell anyone where you’re going. We have all the evidence we need to send him to prison. Just leave and start over.” Leave with what, exactly? I’ve tried selling furniture we don’t use, even my own bed, and surrendering to sleep on the couch… I thought I’d sell everything we could live without. Anything to not have to spread my legs for these filthy men. But it’s no use… The town is too small, and there’s no money to leave it. This is my life. I never had a chance… That pedophile fucker ruined my life. And my son’s mother is a prostitute. His dad is a pedophile, and his mom is a hooker… What’s the point? I should die now while he’s too young to remember me.
6 comments
Resenting him and the system isn’t going to help you get out of this predicament. You shouldn’t feel ashamed. You did what you had to to survive and eventually you’ll just have to forget about it and move on with your life. Getting a job is the most important thing. Perhaps your son can participate in after-school activities allowing you to work. Even a part time job should be enough to keep you going albeit on limited means.
You have to keep going. You might feel worthless but your not. It’s a sad state of affairs and there is no way to undo what has happened. You need to get your finances in order and then rebuild the life that’s been destroyed by someone else.
Speaking from personal experience: I grew up around law &nd court systems. Don’t put your kid through it. get put of there! I suggest Mexico:) Just be careful around certain people. White people mostly. Rent is slightly higher than what you’re paying now. But living is way cheaper. Being a white American citizen (if you are), marry an old Mexican man &nd he’ll pay your way through. Just to get you to marry him! Of course it’s only for a GreenCard, but still. You can easily live down there. There isn’t any whoring around, though. Men have much more respect for women there.
Pew those responses sucked. Jessie209 obviously we don’t have great advice for you if we are suggesting that you marry some old Mexican, commit fraud and move to Mexico.
You have every right to your feelings and God knows that many of us feel ashamed about
When we tell you not to resent such and such we are just talking out our asses.
You did the right thing by sharing here Jessie209. I am grateful to read a part of your story. And I hope that your post here lifts a little of the burden off of your shoulders.
I think someone should go visit him and rape his ass. Just sayin…