why?

That’s a lot of stress to be carrying at once.

Although that I’m sad you feel this way, I am glad you posted on this forum. However you feel there is ALWAYS SOMEBODY who wants to and will help.

Get back to me if you want to chat over email. Or have you thought about going to a doctor or counsellor etc for depression?

I am reminded of the airplane analogy – that you need to put your own lifemask on before you can take care of your family’s.

You don’t sound fundamentally unlikeable, you have been married twice! Your social opportunities perhaps have been curtailed by having a family that you want to provide for, a very honourable and loving intent. It is hard in this day and age – a lot of people are having trouble keeping jobs.