“Friends”, I wish I could tell you this. Mom, dad, you guys too.

No need to read

Who am I? Who should I be?

What am I? What should I be?

Questions that run through my mind daily.

Questions I never manage to answer.

I don’t know! All I can think is fuck this shit!

It’s hard, you know, being the good girl, being the

innocent girl, being the smart girl, being the helpful girl.

Do you guys even know how much I suffer!? Do you

know how hard it is to keep smiling, when there’s no

reason to smile!? Did you know that you are the

ones that destroyed me!?

Every day, I fall deeper into this black, black hole.

Every day I wonder, how to die without it looking like suicide?

Fuck it all!!! I shouldn’t care! Why does it worry me what you’ll think!?

Is it because you’ll have to pretend to be sad? Because I know how it

feels to lose someone, even if you’re not that close? Could I be worried

about what you’ll do after I disappear? Am I afraid? I don’t think so.

Something, something I don’t understand, is holding me back. Does

it mean it just isn’t my turn yet? Or did perhaps my turn already pass?

Do I have to live a life without love? Can’t I just say farewell already?

Love is something I’ll never understand. I don’t want to understand.

Because it might chain me to this place forever.

I feel a lot better after writing this down .. I’m amazed.

I finally got my feelings out.