4.5

in order to save myslef i decided i decided that by the time these 10 days are up i’d need to have: someone, something, and some place to live for.

and i’ve finally got all three.

yesterday i called my grandmother to check on her and chat. we got to talking about my dad’s move. he’s been acting his usual passive-agressive and hurtful self. she feels like a burden. she began to cry on the phone and told me that as long as i was here, and as long as she has me; everything will be ok. i love her. she’s the only person in my life that hasn’t left me. not only can i not stand the thought of leaving her here all alone, but knowing that i’m someones first is enough reason to stay. i’m the person she cares about the most and i’ve never had that. i’m not her second choice, her back-up, her rebound. she loves me and that’s enough.

i know this is going to be hard, but i feel like dying a little bit less every day.