Loss, only for myself

Things have turned out way different than I ever thought they would or could.  I’m not saying they are good or bad, just different. I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to hurt others but it seems that either way it will happen. I’m told things will get “better” but what exactly does that mean? I can’t keep going on like this everyday. I wish things would have been different but they aren’t, because it’s me. Me. That is the problem. I want my kids to be happy, I want him to be happy and I can’t be here if I want that to happen. So, I start to wonder exactly when I will totally lose myself forever and everyone else loses me too. I have a breaking point which I thought I had already reached. I guess not. But it won’t be long. This fight can’t be won by anyone. Everyone loses something, I just want me to be the one to deal with the loss.